


For Him

by Ellectrix



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alternate Universe - Slavery, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Angst and Tragedy, Bulges and Nooks, Car Accidents, Comfort Sex, Consensual, Consensual Kink, Consensual Sex, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Interspecies Romance, Jealous Karkat Vantas, Karkat Hates Himself, Karkat Vantas - Freeform, Kinky, M/M, Master/Slave, Minor John Egbert/Dave Strider, Non-Sexual Slavery, Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Revolution, Romance, Rough Sex, Sadstuck, Sex, Sexual Slavery, Slavery, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Xenophilia, dave strider - Freeform, davekat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2018-12-18 18:27:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 43,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11880276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellectrix/pseuds/Ellectrix
Summary: Alternia has come to a peace treaty with Earth. But along with that treaty came about the birth of a sick business that involved the worst of the worst Alternian criminals to be sold as 'sentient sex toys' to Earth's most rich and famous. The condescension's sick way of getting rid of 'pests' while earning 'profit'.And as a troll with the blood of the lowest of all blood castes, where your very existence is a crime of the highest treason, there is no other fate you know.-"How can I not fall in love with the first person who's ever treated me with so much love and care? Tell me Kanaya, how can I leave a person like that?"





	1. Birthday Gift

"Merrin, have you heard of the sickest party this upcoming winter?" The television girl in a skimpy sparkly black dress excitedly inquired her co-host, whipping her black hair backwards.  
  
"Oh yes! Definitely! As you 7 know, we at Spark are big fans of the heartthrob who's brought us all great shirtless photos and heart wrenching movies like _'The stairs'_ and _'Jeff and his bro'_ , all famous for its LGBT undertones and emotionally moving plot lines as well as classic comedy and unforgettable lines." The other female gushed, fanning herself as if she was hyperventilating. In a probably completely air-conditioned talk show room.  
  
"Can you believe he's only turning 22, Merrin? He famously started his career at the young age of 16, hopping on the fame boat with the other StriLalonde family."  
  
The female with short ginger hair grinned widely and faced her audience. "Why don't we all greet him a big happy birthday here at Spark? To our favorite DJ, singer, actor slash director slash part timer rapper and self proclaimed poet!" She then turns to her co-host. "Ready Quinsly?"  
  
The two hosts in their mid to late twenties both faced the television screen. "Happy birthday, Dave Strider!"  
  
-  
  
The party was in full swing by the time the clock struck 10 pm. Everyone you care about and everybody who's famous and probably doesn't give a single shit about you except the fame and media coverage, is here. After all, you did make this party an open ended one, although you did invite some of your friends. Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe you don't give a single shit. You'll have to see what you think after the 7th glass of whiskey.  
  
Well, technically, you didn't plan to throw this party for yourself. The blame should be put on your dearest sisters, one of them being very enthusiastic about providing some of the best quality liquor for the party and one of them insisting in giving you two of best birthday gifts a celebrity could get from another famous name in the media. You're scared of both of them and what they could be up to. Gladly, your other Lalonde sister is drunk and pestering your brother instead, so that's one less witch to worry about. Your other sister on the other hand, is a witch with a letter b. And you're not safe out here in the balcony either, because here she comes, sashaying her way over to you to interrupt your perfectly peaceful session of watching sad snowflakes fall.  
  
Casual as ever, with her pixie cut dyed blonde hair and loose airy black dress, she leans against the metal railings beside you, looking over at the night view of the city from her _'fabulous'_ penthouse. You notice her sly smile as she sipped from her glass of martini, and you know she's here to talk business with you. Your sister never comes to you without a second reason behind it. Whether it's for her own benefit, or supposedly yours. Or purely for entertainment. _'After all, you are the face of entertainment at this point, so why not extend that to your own relatives as well?'_ Was how she specifically phrased it.  
  
"So, Dave," She started, and you just had to take another sip from your tall glass of perfectly aged whiskey to get yourself prepared for whatever shit she has to say to you.  
  
"'Sup Lalonde." You greet her in return. From the corner of your eye, you watch her quirk her eyebrows in amusement.  
  
"Damn, why so cold to me, David? I've provided you with a gorgeous party and some warm wine to battle the blizzard of winter. Can't you be a little more caring? Maybe a little smile, perhaps a big bear hug, and a 'thank you, Rose, you're an amazing sister'?" She suggests in that same slightly condescending tone of hers.  
  
You smirked and turned your head a little to face her. "What else do you want me to do, as you're ever so loving brother? Make out with you while cosplaying the characters from your book for advertising? The media would go apeshit at that. Might as well record a goddamn sex tape while we're at it. Maybe have a third party record it. What do you think of hiring John and the Harleys to watch and man the camera for us? Ooo, and as for location, what do you think of renting out all of time square for it? Or maybe you'd like to do it right in the middle of Madison Square? Top of the Empire state building, maybe take a flight to Paris and do it in front of some random ass baguette store?"  
  
She laughed at that, swishing her glass of martini around for a moment. "What the actual fuck is it with you and your overly sexual mind, Dave? You would actually think of incest with your sister as an insult? I swear if Dirk wasn't so against it, I would've booked you an appointment to a psychiatrist to see what was wrong with you. I think you got dropped on the head as baby, Strider." The sharp eyed woman retorted, grinning from ear to ear as she watched you roll your eyes. The witch with a letter b can see through you anytime of the day. Even when you're wearing your very expensive aviators, given to you by John as a gift all those years ago. Apparently it was an original, worn by Ben Stiller at some point in history.  
  
"Very funny, Lalonde. Are you gonna be the psychiatrist?" Another sip, another glass finished. Shit.  
  
"No, I don't believe I'll be able to handle all your sarcasm with every question I ask of you." She replies, laughing lightly. Then, unexpectedly, Rose reached out to the edge of railing with her glass or liquor and started pouring out her drink till it was empty. You looked at her funny and she smiled, that rare occasion where her violet eyes sparkled and she looked genuinely happy. "We're even now." She answers everything your expression questioned about her sudden actions.  
  
You smiled lightly and chuckled. "I feel bad for the person walking below."  
  
She grinned, adjusting her fur shawl around her arms and putting down her empty glass on the floor of the balcony. "Like you're one to talk. In the next 2 hours, you'll be drunk enough to throw up, and you will end up heaving all of your shit on this very same balcony. _I feel bad for whoever is walking around below when that happens_." She counters teasingly. You punch her arm lightly, rolling your eyes yet again.  
  
"You're ridiculous, TT." You mumbled quietly to yourself, looking down at the empty glass in your hands.  
  
Rose smirked slyly. "Oh, I know. I know it very well. And you'll think of me as mad when you find out about your second gift." She said, in the way that gives you chills. You know the shit your sister is capable of pulling, all with a straight face. You know it very well. If you were drinking, you would've spit that shit out with what she said.  
  
You looked at her incredulously. "What the fuck did you do, Rose Lalonde?" You spit out, perhaps a bit too harsh. You love your sister, you actually do despite the fucked up things you say and do to each other, but she's probably the only one in the world who knows how to push your buttons best. And you can't stay mad at her for too long, because most of the things she does isn't actually made out of hate for you. They're a bit strange and embarrassing at times, but they're all done for your sake. Her heart is in the right place, always doing the shit she feels is necessary for you to progress. Seriously, sometimes you think she's actually your mother and she's just lying about being your sister. But if that was actually true she'd have to be some immortal luminescent vampire thing, because holy hell your sister is pale as shit and even though she's already 24, she still looks the same as when she was 16 years old. You've compared the photos.

  
The sly blonde vixen raises an eyebrow at you, her amusement seemingly growing more and more by the second. "You should meet him when you get home. Christopher should have him ready to go in your bedroom." She answered, as if it was the most casual thing in the world. As if she was just talking about a birth cake hidden somewhere in your bedroom, but what she really meant is that the cake is right on top of your door, ready to fall on your head when it's moved. You looked at her _even more_ incredulously. Like that was even possible. If it was humanly possible to bulge your eyes out of its sockets the way they do in the cartoons, that's what you would've looked like right at this moment of incredible shock.  
  
" _ **Him?!**_ What the fucking shit do you mean _'him'?!_ Don't tell me you-" The sudden realization hit you like a ton of bricks and promptly sent you falling down a flight of metaphorical stairs. Something you always warn your fans about _because of a particular accident in childhood to which you will not mention here._ "Rose, no you fucking didn't. Tell me  you didn't."  
  
She shrugs her shoulders coolly. "I'm nicer than I seem, Dave. Everyone knows you're gay. Even your fans are convinced you're gay for John. Which you are. And even though you haven't 'officially' come out to us, your family, we knew this was gonna happen eventually." She states, as if the things coming out of her mouth were true hard facts, which they are but that's not the point. She's always held this air about her, like she already knew all of your secrets and she doesn't really care how embarrassing they are. All that matters is that she does know and there's nothing you can do to take it back or prevent it from happening because you don't even know how she fucking found out.  
  
Rose looks you up and down, giving you a mini stare down a while. "Of course you were gonna end up liking the same gender. You've got the StriLalonde genes in you." She said with such a shit eating grin, you knew you were defeated at this point.  
  
"Yes I got you a him. I'm considerate of your interests, despite it being of a sexual nature in this circumstance. You need to get over John and stop your autoeroticism at the thought of him. It's unhealthy, mentally. As is common with unrequited love. No worries, he's got pretty much the same body type as John, something I thought you'd appreciate. You can play make believe and make your dreams come true, at least on a sexual level. All you have to do is keep his mouth shut, as their personalities are quite the polar opposites." She further explains without any prompt from you. You feel ice run through your veins. She's always been able to see through you. And you hate that about her.  
  
With a defeated sigh and hopelessly looking out into the oh so cold city, full of Christmas lights already. December 1st. Your birthday. "I can't fucking believe you, Rose. I don't need a _sex toy_. How the hell is that supposed to help me?"  
  
Rose stayed silent for a moment, lightly tapping her manicured fingers against the railing. She's expressionless, and you can just tell that her mind is twisting and turning already. "Dave, psychologically, everyone wants what they can't have. If you manage to imagine that you do already have what you want, I was hoping the desire might diminish over time. You're sexually frustrated and even Roxy and Dirk has noticed your recent moodiness lately. I just want to help." She explains slowly, that small affectionate tone in her voice so very easy to pick up after all the years you've spent living life with her. All 22 years.  
  
You frowned deeply, unconsciously tightening your grip around your glass. Does she really think that that's all there is to it? That your feelings for your childhood friend and best bro is so very shallow? That it's just _lust_ that's so easily solved by hiring a prostitute who looks like the person you keep dreaming of? You can feel a silent storm brewing inside of you already, but you keep everything running through your head inside. "Yeah? Is that so?"  
  
"He's the lowest caste from Alternia. Characteristics that should be to your liking-"  
  
"I think I'm gonna go home now. Thanks for the party. Tell Rox that I'm happy for her services." You said curtly, pushing yourself off from the railing and heading for the coat rack. You put your empty glass on one of the trays the waiters walk around with, offering hors d'oeuvres. You don't even bother to look back at her.

"Already leaving your party, Mr. Strider?" One of the waiters inquired, but you don't bother answering any further than a simple nod.  
  
You'll deal with the gift at home quickly. Lalonde took it too far this time.  
  
-  
  
"In here, please. I've just been informed that his arrival is to be sooner than expected. Ms. Lalonde has asked that you be kept in here until further instructions from Mr. Strider." The female maid had told you, pointing her finger over to the large king sized bed from the entrance of the room. Curiously, you took a step in front of her, peering inside the grandiose bed room. Far too big to actually be comfortable for one person. Then again, you're talking about the rich and famous here and nothing is too big or fancy for their huge ass egos. You should know, you've been passed along from one owner to another for several years now. This is your 5th move after 4 sweeps now.  
  
She pushes you inside and you shoot the uniformed maid a dirty look, something she looks disdainful of. Grumbling quietly to yourself, you make your way to the edge of the bed where she had pointed and seated yourself right in the middle of it. She followed you inside, still carrying the plastic bag she's had with her since she greeted you at the front door when you were first dropped off at the mansion someone calls a 'home'. Sure, it isn't as big as some of the hives of higher blood castes back in Alternia but Earth architecture is still pretty impressive. Their civilization sure has come a long way.  
  
The maid drops the black plastic bag right next to you and starts ruffling through it, taking out articles of clothing. You know this process too well already. "As you should already know, Ms. Lalonde has requested you wear specific clothing for the occasion." She explains briefly, but you tune her out. You've heard this spiel from so many others and they always make you want to wear skimpy kinky shit on the first day. It's disgusting and you feel disgusting afterwards but you've got no other choice but to comply.  
  
Your attention was caught when she finally pulls out a smaller white box, something that looked like it would contain a vial of pills or medication or something. It's not often that this happens but it always terrifies you. "Wait, wait, do I have to? I know how this shit works you don't need to do that to make me more complacent and shit." You immediately protest, glaring at the box she's opening in her hands.  
  
The maid who looked like she was in her late twenties, perhaps older, raised an eyebrow at you. Though she seemed sympathetic, her tone of voice was still stern. "I'm sorry, but Ms. Lalonde has specifically left me with instructions to use it on you upon any news of Mr. Strider's return."  
  
You bite your lower lip anxiously, trying not to let your tears spill over. The still unnamed maid produced a vertical item wrapped up in white wrapper along with a small vial full of liquid the color of bright pink, borderlining on the color red. "Please." You croak out pathetically. Alternia's capital punishment isn't death. Death would be far too easy for those who are seen with severe actions against her imperial condescension. It used to be prolonged torture before an eventual shameful public execution, but now, after the treaties with Earth, some other more horrific sentence is made by fish bitch.  
  
She ignores your pleas, opening the wrapper to reveal a small syringe, something she used to puncture into the small vial of pinkish red liquid and suck it all up into the circular compartment of the syringe. She then firmly grabs your upper arm and squeezes it before slowly aiming the sharp part of the syringe into your arm. You flinched and turned away, biting down on your lip hard. If your fangs weren't always groomed and kept dull, you would've broken skin by now and started bleeding by the mouth.  
  
The moment the metal punctures your naturally tough skin, you instinctively closed your legs shut tightly and gripped the bedsheets. You only open your eyes, filled to the brim with tears, when the syringe is finally pulled away and thrown back inside the bag.  
  
She promptly leaves afterwards giving you a reminder to put the costume on.  
  
You furrow your brow and fall face first into the bed, curling up into a ball and trying to battle the storm of guilt, anger, and something else inside of you.  
  
Pinkish red liquid. Liquefied pheromones. An aphrodisiac specifically made for your blood caste, the lowest kind of all trolls on Alternia. Even being born is of the highest treason against her imperial condescension. Your very existence is a crime, and back then, you would've just been culled at birth. But queen fish bitch found a way to make a profit and put your blood caste to use.  
  
You're sold to the market known as 'special services partner', where all of Alternia's worst criminals are humbled by getting their pride taken away and dominated by species they view as inferior to them.  
  
This is the life you were born into.  
  
-

The time it took you to get driven from Rose's high rise penthouse back to your mansion of a home. You would never admit it on the outside but you don't particularly like the large design of the home, but apparently it's an unspoken rule among all rich and famous people to have an overly extravagant home full of empty spaces and ridiculously over priced furniture and minimalistic portraiture.  
  
Nevertheless, your driver parks just front of your porch, with fucking pillars on each side to support the stone roof above your head. It seems like over kill, but the most popular game among celebrities tend to be just that; who can pull off the most ridiculous thing and literally do an overkill on something that should be some simple. But besides from your critiques about the life of the rich and famous, you're more focused on getting that gift Rose got for you back to its dealer.  
  
One of his many hired personal staff opened the door for him as soon as they noticed your car pulling up into the driveway. Your house would be a fucking mess and full of dust and gross shit without your own staff around the house to make sure everything's clean. Your a pig at home and make a mess of things but the press doesn't need to know about those nitty gritty details. "Good evening, mister Strider. You're back early--?" You're no usually rude to those that work under you but on the particular night, you were in a rush to fix the shit Rose made, so you curtly move past the middle aged woman who had generously opened the door for you. You can say sorry later.  
  
You immediately rush up the stairs, already loosening your tie and unbuttoning the first few buttons of your costume tailored black suit.  
  
You barge into your bedroom and stop in your tracks when you see what's on your bed. A small being that's barely visible in your ridiculously large bed was curled up in a fetal position with a plastic bag discarded off to the side, which you're guessing is what contained the fucking sailor suit scattered about the room, looking like it was hastily thrown away after discovering what it actually was. _God fucking damn it Rose_. You think to yourself. You're well aware of the process and seeing the sight in front of you,-- Well, let's just say you're cursing Rose in every damn way you could possibly think of.  
  
You have no idea how fucking long you've been standing there, by the entrance of your own bedroom, when the body on your bed finally begins to shift, giving you confirmation that yes, it is still in fact alive. His head peaks out from the pillow he's apparently used to cover his face. You notice his features, the way he's got a lanky form that does remind you a bit of John, the characteristically unruly hair you've seen your best friend wear during the morning when you slept over at his place, and you can see why Rose would choose him as a pretty close candidate as a bed replacement for your desired mate.  
  
Then, you take a step towards him and you finally see his eyes, -- Well, a better look of it at least. Hazy dark maroon eyes, one that reminds you of your own, and that little minor factor makes you stop in your tracks.  
  
It takes you a little while to recover, but once you do, you head for your closet, quickly untying your neck tie and pulling if off from around your neck. "Get up quickly. We're going out." You ordered simply, voice sounding much coarser than you intended.  
  
When he finally speaks, something that makes you turn his way, because damn you did not expect his voice to be rougher considering his body type. "--where the fuck are we going? Aren't you gonna, you know, _do shit_." His voice was deeper and rougher than you expected, but holding a quality timbre that was actually fairly admirable and soothing to hear. You pause for a moment before looking back into the closet and continuing to undo your black tux.  
  
"We're going to the SSP center in the heart of the city to return you." You explained briefly to him. You're sure he'd rather stay there than be stuck around your house doing jack shit. You glanced his way and now he's sitting up fully, staring at you with wide eyes with a faint trace of horror in them.  
  
"--Wait, why are you returning me? First I get shit injected into me without fucking permission and then I get told to wear a fucking uniform, and then all you're going to do is return me?" His voice was much louder than before now, and you're honestly surprised at the brutally honest speech that came from his mouth. You'd expected trolls who's been doing this much more... Complacent and wanting to please their owners? Then again, you are returning him.  
  
"I see that you did refuse to wear the thing." You countered, looking over at the discarded clothes on the floor, although, you really couldn't care less whether he wore the thing or not.  
  
You hear his low growling all the way from your bed, and it reminds you of a dog ready to attack as it shows off his serrated fangs at you. You're not too bothered, you could report it to the SSP if something did happen. Plus, you doubt very much that he'd have the guts _to do_  something. "Do you even knows what it means for me to be returned on the first fucking day?"  
  
The way he spit out those words with pure hatred and malice makes you freeze on the spot. That was all the answer he needed before proceeding. "Useless bitches get culled. It honestly fucking saddens my cold dead heart that you don't know the consequences of your own selfish actions. Your species' ignorance disgusts me to the core." He explained, that gruff voice of his so full of apathy. You don't want to look back-- it scares you to. "If you fucking return me, you brainless fuck, it goes on my fucking report. If others see that shit on my report they'll doubt my quality. _if I don't get picked up again, my existence will be useless_." Your fingers stopped working on unbuttoning your tuxedo and you could feel your breath slowly get shallower. " ** _Useless_** **_bitches get culled_**."  
  
There's a heavy silence that settles between the two of you. It rings in your ears and it makes your stomach twist anxiously on its own accord. It takes you awhile to get a firm grip on your decision once again, and even more courage to speak up to counter his words. You refuse to let your resolve to dissipate. "I don't want you."  
  
There's yet another long silence that stretched out between the two of you before you hear a loud thump and heavy purposeful steps coming your way. You turned to face him and before you could react, he had painfully slapped you across the face, sending your shades flying from your face and onto the hardwood floor. You stare at it in disbelief, slowly beginning to feel the stinging pain on your cheek. You carefully bring a finger up to the spot where you were just brutally hit and feel the difference in temperature. Your hand is freezing against the warmth on your cheek and you can guarantee that if you looked in the mirror, there would be an obvious red mark on your pale white skin.  
  
You slowly turned to face him, wiry unruly black hair and nubby troll horns with pointed ears. And his eyes-- sharp dark red eyes that blazed with pure hatred and anger you, and what your whole species represents. Your heart skipped a beat at such a dark expression on a young face, yet you can't take your eyes away from his.  
  
"Your species disgust me." He said simply, a hidden growl at the back of his throat at every enunciation of every word.  
  
He turned on his heel to leave but for some reason, your body instinctively grabs at his wrist, something he clearly did not like because he promptly turned his head at you to openly growl despite his not so sharp fangs anymore. You were afraid.  
  
You knew, once you turned around and saw that expression, your whole resolve would crumble at its foundations. And it did.  
  
"Wait." You breathed out so quietly, you're not even sure if you actually said the words out loud. "I changed my mind."


	2. I Don't Want You

David Elizabeth Strider. After long hours of just strolling around aimlessly around the outrageously large home of your new owner, you had learned that his full name had been David Elizabeth Strider. You remember snickering at the female middle name but events of last night made guilt instinctively rise up in your chest.  
  
The pretentious bastard had grabbed your hand and had boldly said that he 's _upposedly_ ' changed his mind. If you had any other option than taking him up on his offer of you staying around the house, you would've, just to spite him, even though it's practically a once in a lifetime opportunity. You would've gladly spit at his glasses wearing face and walked out the door whilst flipping the bird like a stone cold badass. You've wanted to do the same to your many previous owners before, but this is the one occasion that made you feel bad for feeling this way, even though you know your feelings of hatred towards humanity is still valid with everything that has happened in the past.   
  
Despite that though, every time you find another detail to pick apart and make fun of this 'Dave Strider', your memory gets sucked back to last night.   
  
It's still strangely vividly clear in your mind, that moment when you had literally slapped his shades off his face, and your eyes met. You did not expect brilliant ruby red eyes to be staring back at your own dark shade of red eyes. You have seen his face around the media multiple times before, but you never cared enough to even learn his name, too engulfed in watching shitty romantic comedy movies. Despite being sold like an item, your species in this planet, you're treated like a glorified pet among the rich and famous. You're not surprised some of the other 'devices' you've met act so high and mighty among others, like they were apart of the royalty, despite still being at the same status as a 'thing' in legal papers.   
  
You've seen the way others looked at you and regarded you as. With disgust. With excitement. Happiness. Lust. Indifference. Disdain. Pity. Sympathy. You've seen all kinds of reactions from these humans when you're sent to their homes to live with them and 'serve' them as they please. By far, the worst one you've seen is lust. It terrifies you, but it's not like there's anything you can do about it.   
  
But there is a reason this pops into your mind. Because the expression he showed last night was unlike the ones you've seen. It gave you pause and to actually consider the things that came from his mouth. This peculiar male, one that's not very much older than your own in Earth years, had looked at you with care. One you hadn't seen since you left that Alternian *school*. From your caring teacher by the name of Maryam. You could tell it was genuine. How can you forget such a caring look when you've only ever since it once in your life? You swore you would never forget what that young jade blood had done for you.   
  
_Please! Don't let them do this! Please! KANAYA!_   
  
_How could you forget such a kind look?_   
  
The sudden loud sound effect from the television was enough to pull you out of your thoughts. You hadn't even realized that you had stopped paying attention to the movie, too busy picking apart the events of last night to see any trickery or false pretenses in the words he had spoken to make you... Dislike him. Because no matter how much you hate the species, it's not enough to judge a single individual who just so happens to be a part of that species. You know you'd be a hypocrite. Your own civilization is a piece of shit, especially the condescension, for even thinking up of this business plan because she's a greedy fish dick. But Kanaya isn't like all the other trolls. And you hope that this Dave Strider is just like all the other humans.   
  
_"I don't want you."_   
  
The words faintly ringed in your ears. You remembered how much your anger boiled over the tipping point. He had stood in front of his closet, talking with that apathetic voice of his. Like he didn't care. Of course he didn't care.   
  
_"I don't want you."_   
  
And you understand that more than anybody else. You're the one living this body.   
  
**_"I don't want you."_ **   
  
So why, douche bag who wears shades indoors? Fucker who acted so above the type of service you provide, despite you hating it yourself, why? Asshole with red eyes like yours?   
  
Why look at someone like you, like you actually care and act like you want to do something about it?   
  
Why?   
  
_"I'll make you a deal. You can stay here for as long as you want without doing anything for me."_   
  
“It gets lonely around here anyways."   
  
"I don't want you."   
  
Of course you don't. No matter what, you're still just a glorified pet.   
  
\-   
  
It's only been a single week, yet the presence of your 'gift' has changed the the atmosphere around the mansion immensely already. His loud voice has easily come second nature when you come home from work. You don't know if it's purposeful, but he leaves a mess all around the house, something your staff doesn't really quite appreciate. Yet the difference around your space makes things seem more lively around the place. So many changes around your home, and your glad for it.   
  
You remember coming home from a press conference on the first day you got him, only to find him sleeping on the couch, popcorn all over himself with an old Earth rom com still playing on repeat on your flat screen television mounted just above your fake fireplace. Seriously, does anybody on Earth still have genuine fireplaces at this point?

 

Then there was Wednesday (a day you affectionately call hump day), after you came back from a VIP event that night, half drunk. It was some important concert your sisters, slash manager, insisted you go make an appearance on to settle some sort of fake beef you had with this other rapper 2 years ago? You're shit at names, considering how much you need to learn in the industry you're in. But anyway, it was way past midnight, already halfway through early morning. Around 2 to 3 in the morning when you got driven home, and you stumbled about blindly. Your few cleaning staff has gone home for the day and it was supposed to just be you and him inside the house at that point.  
  
But you had found him in the kitchen downstairs, almost fully naked with only boxers on. He was making a peanut butter sandwich with only the dim light on the counter socket to light his way. You knew that trolls were nocturnal, sometimes able to stay awake from night till morning due to the time differences in Alternia. Still, seeing him like that was still a shock to you.   
  
You remember how he was smaller than he looked without any clothes on. From your knowledge given to you by Rose, he’s supposed to be around 19 to almost 20 years old in human years, but his height and entire body type could make him a candidate for a mere 16 year old teenager. He's a lot scrawnier than John, and you're actually glad for that difference. It reminds you that he's his own person, far apart from the person you've been crushing on for years now.   
  
You remember he looked straight at you in the eye, unbiased by his lack of clothing, and glared you down with those intense eyes of his. "The fuck do you want?" He had told you so brutally honest before turning back around and heading up the stairs to the bedroom you provided him with for his stay here.   
  
His foul mouth is something you find amusing on a daily basis. And slowly, you've found yourself seeking more and more attention from this little nubby horned troll, finding his honest thoughts and answers to simple stupid questions entertaining. Of course, it took you a while to notice that you've began to enjoy his presence around the house. Because you only have a driver, a few body guards outside of your home, and about 3 to 4 cleaning staff on duty per day, you find a company whose equal with you and doesn't treat you any other way to be quite refreshing. It isn't the same as the parties you go to either, because everything feels so plastic and forced when you're around other celebrities.   
  
If you asked him to move over the couch, he'd openly tell you to fuck off, fully knowing that you wouldn't really do anything to 'punish' his behavior like others have. You did specifically tell him to be himself around the house and have asked your staff to put up with him despite their biases to what a Service Device should be able to do. You're aware of some of your cleaning staff's complaints about his rude and sometimes aggressive attitude towards them.   
  
You guess, one of the first interactions that made you curious about the grey alien was one of those few times he actually bothered to hold a conversation with you. Took you 3 whole days to get him to say something that didn't always involve the word 'fuck'. He refused to tell you his name, and although Rose told you what it was, you actually wanted to hear how it's pronounced by the troll himself before you tried saying it yourself.   
  
Small interactions throughout the day, when you have the free time. A small nudge on the hips when you happen to bump into him in the kitchen when you're getting your morning cup of coffee. A friendly greeting every time you walk into a room he's occupying (although you have noticed that he likes to hang around the couch a lot and watch all sorts of movies that's on demand). A little poke on the shoulder or slight ruffle of hair when he let's you close enough to him. A simple question for the time, if he's eaten, or what Alternian culture is in general and how it differentiates from Earth. His default answer to always seems to be, "How the fuck should I know?" Or "Why the fuck would I ever tell you?".   
  
But on a specific Thursday night, you didn't have much on your schedule, so you stayed inside the whole day, constantly pestering and annoying him with little actions you hadn't noticed yourself doing for the attention of the short 5'2 troll.   
  
He had lashed out on you, full of growls and all, the way he reacted when you grabbed his wrist for the first time to stop him from leaving when you first met.   
  
" _WILL YOU STOP FUCKING TOUCHING ME EVERY GODDAMN 5 SECONDS STRIDER?!_ "   
  
"Yo, chill. I'm trying to be friendly here. Plus, all I asked you was what was your name. I've been asking for 3 days already." You had answered coolly and nonchalantly as ever, pouring yourself a cup of apple juice. "Also, high five. First time you referred to me other than a string of curses and insults." You had offered your hand for a high five, and you weren't surprised when he glared you down yet again, and left you hanging, continuing to fuck around with the toaster in an attempt to heat up a piece of frozen bread.   
  
"The fuck do you need me to say it out loud for? I'm pretty fucking sure you already know what it is anyway."   
  
You had simply shrugged your shoulders. "If you don't want to, you don't have to. Just know that I'll keep asking until you--"   
  
"Karkat. It's Karkat Vantas." He had cut you off, rough low voice sounding as annoyed as ever. Then he continued to fuck around with the toaster, almost literally ripping it off by its cord and throwing it halfway across the kitchen if you hadn't stopped him.   
  
You know you're shit at observing people and making mental notes about their behavior, unlike your sister Rose, who's an absolute pro at it. But you can guess that that random act of violence against the poor appliance was just a cover up to quickly change the topic and lead it away from him. You recognize the tactic. It's like saying look an alien behind a person before running away when the looked the opposite way from you. You should know, you've tried to recreate that tactic on Dirk multiple times now but it's failed every single time. You could only remember him falling for it once way back in elementary.   
  
Still, you're not sure if your observation is correct, but it is a theory of yours. Even more days passed by after that first encounter, and you've slowly gotten him to open up more to you. Not on an emotional scale 'tell-me-all-about-your-tragic-history-and-life-story' kind of deal. More like just get him out of his shell and actually talk to you. Most of the time, your back and forth banter is about the most useless of things. About the shittiness of being rich and famous on the media, and you mutually agreeing with Karkat that humans are stupid. Some of them. Except you of course, something he proceeded to bash on you about and trying to point out your 'douchebagery flaws'. His loud nature and over gesticulation is something you find far too funny to even take the insults seriously, much less get offended over.   
  
He was someone you could be chill around and not take things so seriously like you usually have to, and you enjoy your minor interactions with the troll. Although sometimes, you do worry when he goes unusually quiet and secluded himself to a single corner of the room, usually near a window, watching the city just a miles away. You've asked him if he wanted to go out there, suspecting he's probably yearning for freedom, but he'd always turn down your favor and tell you go and fuck yourself and stop talking to him.   
  
Weeks turn to months, and before you knew it, you already feel comfortable around him to do your usual crazy antics around the house. You're making progress and it feels like you've made a new 'best bro' aside from just John.   
  
Then again, it could just be your natural instinct to be far too easily attached to those that heal your loneliness even a little bit. Something that's proven to be dangerous for your own health in the past. And not just emotionally.   
  
Everything felt normal again after your birthday. But one single night, all of your happiness for the past 2 weeks and a half is so easily sucked away by a party you wish you never attended. You honestly hated the life of fast lights and scandals, the life a celebrity leads. You hate it.   
  
He doesn't want you. He never wanted you.   
  
And you wish you could just stop wanting him too.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for the support so far, I really wasn't planning on posting this fic in the first place. 
> 
> Give me feedback on you think or any constructive critiques to help me.
> 
> Also, sorry if this one's shorter than the other, I have some plans to make things... Steamier next chapter. ;) Just wanted to post this as a set up, or a preamble. Thanks again everybody!


	3. What Hurts The Most

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, school is starting up soon for me so updates will begin to slow down significantly. Please be patient, thank you.

"--Yeah, it wouldn't be a party without Dave Strider, right? So, are you coming? Can you make time to come over tonight?" The girl over the phone jollily exclaims while you mindlessly tapped on the kitchen table. It seems you are unable to stay still at the small mention of the first name John, last name Egbert.   
  
"Psh--, yeah I can definitely make some time. I can go ask Rox to free up my schedule for it. It's happening at Jade's place right?"    
  
"Yep! You'll do the job too right? For John?" Jane said, her tone of voice changing slightly into a sly one. Why does everyone seem to know about your feelings now? You would freak out more about this fact if you didn't have to worry about the party tonight.    
  
Jane Crocker has invited you over to Jade's home for a big blow out party for John as a Christmas gift. He's always been one for sappy holiday occasions and bring all of the family together. The Harleys and the CrockerEgbert family are related to each other, Jade being Jake's older sister and John's same age cousin. Jane is the eldest, an heiress to the Crocker empire, and the brother of John Egbert, whose father has been apart of the senate for a little bit. Events like this is always exciting for you because of the type of life you live, leaves little wiggle room for fun bonding times with those you love.   
  
And because it's Christmas time, even though trolls don't celebrate this supposedly 'god awful holiday' (Karkat's words exactly), you decided to extend the invite to Karkat as well. Of course, he refused and said he'd celebrate it his own way. Through a late night binge watching of Christmas themed romantic comedy movies, a few Disney classics, all while eating a full box of candy canes you received from your manager, Roxy, as a late Christmas gift. If that's what he wanted, who are you to deny that from him?   
  
So, you eventually left your home in your classic red and white tuxedo, watching the troll eye down the Christmas hat on you head. "You look cringey as fuck." He had commented on your fashion sense, throwing a doritos chip into his mouth, still eyeing you like you were some gross shitty piece of mold he found on his freshly made sandwich. Which did happen actually, on one of his late night snacks. You remember him making that exact same face.   
  
You had simply shrugged, and smirked over at him, something he immediately rolled his eyes on. "I'm off Kittykat. I don't even know if I'll come home tonight. Don't wait up for me."   
  
"I never wait up for you, ass fuck. Just leave me the fuck already."   
  
Ah. It's the troll way of showing affection and care. You're sure of it.   
  
-   
  
Roxy has personally escorted you from your home to take you to Jade's place. She had been rambling on and on about the things she had to do to clear up your schedule for tonight. You know that Rox also owns a liquor company of her own, but she's taken upon herself to be your manager as well, and left the business deals mostly to Jane, her girlfriend for a few years now. How many? You have no fucking idea, they seem to go on and off due to Roxy's misbehaviors when she's drunk. Thankfully, she's actually trying to sober up now. About time. Your sister is turning 27 next year.   
  
Jade Harley is an heir to her grandfather's great fortune so she doesn't even have to work to keep her livelihood. Although, she's known as a serial partier in the celebrity industry and only anyone who's who can attend them. Except this one, this party is exclusive to family and close friends, as well as a few other guest attendees. It's not a televised event like most parties the Harleys throw.   
  
Jade's home is more of an antique looking palace with spires at the top of the roof. There's even a main corridor when you walk inside, complete with a dome like ceiling and a floor made of marble, almost like it's literally for an old 18th century ballroom party. She goes to great lengths to preserve its old structure and design, something about keeping her grandfather's wishes.   
  
Around this time of the year though, the house was filled with all sorts of Christmas decorations. It's a lively place and it makes you smile to see it every time.   
  
"Speak of the devil. Here he comes right now." You hear that familiar English accent and turn your attention from the large Christmas tree in the corner of the room to your friends and family already gathered around, greeting one another. There are a few others milling about and even more entering, but for the most part, it seems like this party's a bit more professional. That'll change soon enough when other people start to leave before the struck of midnight.

  
Dirk smirked in that sly devilish way he usually does while Jane simply nudged him at the side, giving him a stern look. "Janeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy!" Roxy slurred her words a bit, leaving your side to go bear hug her lover, who seemed more than happy to return the favor.    
  
"Rox actually made it to your house huh? I would've expected her to already be passed out in her limo by the time her driver got her there to pick you up." Your brother said simply, sipping some fucking orange Fanta in his glass. What the actual fuck. Then again, you're one to talk. You've drank pure apple juice from a fancy shot glass just to con this one other celebrity out of 20 dollars when he challenged you to a drinking contest.   
  
"Hey now. I think Roxy is doing a great job of getting sober. Better than before at least." Jake piped up, while your sister huffed. Dirk snickers and Jane pats Roxy's hair affectionately, while the blonde haired girl still clings onto the heiress of the Crocker Empire.   
  
"Thats rite Jakey-poo. Tell ur bf. Me and Janey here aree gunna go stuff our faces width the quality crocker brand cocks- I mean cacks-- fucking shit,--  _ cakes _ -, she provided fur us." Roxy started, slowly pushing Jane through the crowd while she laughs lightly at her girlfriend's antics. Surprisingly, she was able to say that sentence a lot more articulately than you expected.   
  
"Well. Looks like it's time for us to make an exit.  Rose is making gesticulations that I assume is her saying 'shoo'." Dirk told you simply, putting his arm around his boyfriend's and steering him into the crowd.   
  
You frowned and refused to look behind you just yet. "Hey, where's John and Jade by the way?" You inquired.   
  
"Oh-- John is trying to convince Jade to out the ghostbusters theme song into the Playlist.  They're over there--" Jake explained, yet it was Dirk who pointed near the front of the circular room, parallel to the entrance with the big double doors. And in fact, the two of them seemed to be bickering playfully around with each other with John trying to get his hands on the music player Jade has hooked up to the speakers.   
  
"Anyway, see ya around Dave. Rose looks like she  _ really _ wants your attention. We'll chat later about Egbert over there." He said teasingly, and you swear those obnoxious pointy anime shades of his actually twinkled as a replacement for a wink. Dirk and his anime physics. Even his goddamn hair is an impossibility.    
  
You feel a tap on your shoulder and you almost immediately internally sighed. Rose Lalonde was standing in front of you when you turned around to face that classic sly smirk of hers. "Glad to see you around."   
  
You stared at her, crossing your arms on your chest. You're still not thrilled with the shit she pulled at your birthday and you already know how this chat is going to turn out. "Let's cut straight to the chase, kay sis? I still don't appreciate what you did at my birthday."   
  
The blonde sighed ruffled her hair a bit, averting her eyes to the ground. "Okay, maybe that particular gift was a bit stepping over the line. It was a 50/50 chance of you returning him, but I guess you decided to keep him." Rose replied, looking up again, raising an eyebrow. "Might I ask why that is? When you left early last time, I really expected to have gotten notification about a refund. What made you change your mind about him?"    
  
You stare off to the side a bit, not really wanting to reveal the whole confrontation with Karkat thing the first time you met. She'd laugh at you if she heard you got slapped. "I don't really think it's any of your business? All that matters is that I'm keeping him under my care."   
  
Rose snickered at your reply, and it takes you a split second to calculate the way your sister probably interpreted your reply as, versus what you actually meant it as. "If you say so, dearest 'bro'. I won't probe on the events that occurred." She said in a snide matter that manages to frustrate you to no ends.   
  
"Rose-- Look- No, that's not what I meant,--  _ stop shaking your head and listen to me _ \-- Rose-- Goddamn it. I'm going to see what John's up to." You sputter out the words, Rose still silently snickering at you. There's no explaining it to her now.   
  
"Yes please. You go woo John and I'll keep an eye on Roxy to make sure she doesn't drink herself to oblivion like last year." Rose states with that classic smug smirk of hers on her black painted lips. She swishes her lush dark green dress around before disappearing into the crowd once again.   
  
You sighed before looking to Jade a John, smiling a bit. You walk over to them and it doesn't take long for John to notice you, a huge grin beginning to form on his face. "Hey! Dave! You're here!" He let's go of his dark skinned cousin, who proceeds to fall down backwards, stepping on her space designed dress and falling on her bum, her iPad still on her hands. She frowned before glaring at down and standing back up and lightly hitting him over the head using said iPad.    
  
"Hey Dave! I don't know why everyone always seems to act so surprised when you're finally here." Jade greeted, waving cheerfully.    
  
"Mostly because he doesn't come at the very start. Seriously, he only comes around when all the formalities are done." John joked, rubbing the back of his head although he was laughing gleefully. "It's been years since you last came to the gathering as a whole and not just the party."   
  


"Eh. The ceremonies were always too boring for me. I stopped coming to the whole thing as soon as I hit 18, remember?" You adjust your shades self consciously, avoiding not to avert your eyes from him too much, even though he can't see your eyes anyway. You see him smile faintly and you could almost hear your heart skip a beat.    
  
"You're still wearing that huh..." He mutters a bit quietly, but still audibly. Then he gets this face, where his bright blue eyes brightens up, more so than his glasses already do under the light, and his smile widens, making his cheeks puff up with a slight reddish tint. You've affectionately called it his 'idea face', although John himself doesn't know he makes it. You've made little notes on his behaviors since you were a kid. You thought you were just observant like your brother Dirk, or your almost twin sister, Rose. But you only seemed to pick it on little things about John and no one else. Then you remember that realization that you had romantic feelings for Egbert when you were 15. It's a bittersweet memory to you. Because you could finally put a name to your strange feelings, but the hopelessness of your situation crushed your heart. "Oh! That reminds me! I've got something to show you~ We'll be right back, Jade!"    
  
And just like that, he's pulling you away to who knows where. He's always going wherever he wants without a care for the world. You envy it. John has always reminded you of a bird. The sky's the limit.   
  
But for you--, you have far too many limitations. With your duties and responsibilities. With your feelings and insecurities. With your own heart.   
  
You would never admit it-- but you envy how he can make a split decision for his own desires. With just one breath--   
  
He takes away yours.   
  
-   
  
"Okay, remember that stupid friendly competition we still keep going alive to this day?" John had rambled on, pulling you by your wrist as he weaves around the crowds. Of course you still remember it. It's been a constant thing ever since the two of you were in middle school and he tried climbing up and over the school wall to skip class in an attempt to one up you after you got sent to the principal's office for a prank that involved the cafeteria and the laughing gas they use in the dentists.   
  
"Yeah I remember. Didn't you buy a Feferi and got it custom painted with a bunch of my old hella Jeff and sweet bro comics from when I was 13?" You reminisced, laughing a bit. He presented the thing to you as an early birthday gift but it was so bad you got him to repaint it back to its original color and return the car.   
  
"Okay, okay, check this out--" He said urgently, in an excited manner. He continued to pull you out of the main hall and into one of the long hallways, all still decorated with red and green streamers. Then, he stops in front of one of the lounge doors. This one in particular, you remember well. You and John used to hide in this room together when you played hide and seek with the rest of your gang. Back when you were still young and naive. When you hid inside a tight closet with him and your faces were merely inches apart.   
  
"Whoa, you still remember this place after all these years?" You muttered quietly, looking at him in awe, although you tried to downplay it a lot. The fact that you're wearing shades helped.   
  
He looked at you skeptically and you feel your heart drop. "Huh? What are you talking about?" He held the doorknob tightly I'm his hand before smiling widely again. "Anyway, I heard from Roxy that you got an SSP for your birthday?"   
  
He opened the door and proudly presented to you what's hiding behind. You were about to ask why he was asking but you didn't have to when everything was answered as soon as the door was opened. You could feel your stomach curling around inside of you. "So, I got one of my own!" The dark haired male said proudly, but you can't understand why he would be proud about any of this. So what if you got an SSP? Why the fuck does John need one too? You feel sick to your stomach.   
  
Inside the lounge was two of John's own personal body guards, holding down a troll in a bright silk blue dress that wrapped around her like a mermaids tail with a sweetheart neckline. Even her hair was put in an intricate braid that wrapped around into a bun just behind her weirdly shaped horns. But the scene disturbed you with the way the troll was muzzled, her sharp teeth curled into a snarl and a low growling coming from the back of her throat. Even her eyes was blind folded and her hands were cuffed behind her back as she struggled against the two men holding her down.    
  
You were speechless.   
  
"I got her just a few weeks after you got yours. Her name's Vriska Serket."   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry for the cliffhanger.


	4. Sobriety

No one could really stop you. Once the formalities ended, you didn't waste any time getting drunk. Even Roxy seemed to be worried at the amount you were asking for from the bar. At a certain limit, your siblings had to stop you from going and drinking some more. Rose had personally sat you down while Jane got you constant refills of water to sober you up enough to actually talk.  
  
"Clearly, something's up. I saw you disappear  with John earlier tonight and thought shit was going good with you two." Your fellow blond haired bro had stated casually, taking the time to kick his legs up on the table and surf through the Internet on his phone. You're all currently at the upstairs part of the house (if you could even call it that) where Jade has her own private bar with small little booths. Like you've mentioned before, Jade is a party animal sometimes.

Rose frowned at him and pushed his feet off of the table. "Will you stop texting your boyfriend when the two of you are literally in the same building and take this seriously?" Rose chided, but you simply sighed. You don't want to deal with this, you just wanna go home.

  
Dirk snorted and showed off his phone to Rose. It was open to Candy Crush. "I'm not texting him 24/7, jesus Rose. I'm not that pathetic."  
  
"You're not, huh? But you're pathetic enough to still be playing that game at his day and age." Rose countered cleverly, smirking. You're pretty sure Dirk just rolled his eyes behind those ironic anime shades of his. Although you have to give credit to Rose. That was a sick burn. Who still plays Candy Crush at this day and age?  
  
Although reluctantly, Dirk complies with Rose's demand and turns off his phone, sitting like a proper human being would. "So, what's up little bro? What happened to you and John?"  
  
Rose tried to pat your back reassuringly but you kept silent, refusing to let your worries flow out. After John had showed off Vriska to you, you had made the excuse of needing to go to the bathroom. It wasn't a full lie, because you honestly did feel sick to your stomach. You felt like throwing up and curling up inside the tub to cry. Like you had done when you were a cry baby kid. Although you know that John most likely wouldn't really quote unquote 'use' her, your mind just loves going out of control and taunting you. John is far too nice and oblivious to dominate anyone by his own will. And by the looks of that spider girl, she does not seem the type to take kindly to her owner who had hidden her inside a room, with a muzzle and blindfold on, while being subdued by body guards. Sharp claws on flawless pale skin-- You don't even want to think about it. It fills your chest with dread and a soft ache begins from the back of your head, and proceeds to go through your body, like a slow shock wave. It makes you breathless to think of him with someone else in that manner. It constricts your breathing and you feel like your own body is choking itself purely because of misery and heartbreak.  
  
"I just want to go home." You muttered, rubbing your face with both hands and sighing. Your siblings protested, wanting to know more but you simply laid down your head in your arms and tuned them out. "Look, I don't want to talk about it. I feel a headache coming on and I just want to go home and sleep it off."  
  
Rose looked over at Dirk, as if asking him for help to convince you to say more, but your older brother simply looked at you with sympathy. A rare occurrence on his straight face. "If he wants to go home, let him. You can probe him in the ass later Rose." He had joked, yet, you were glad for it. Rose rolled her eyes at the distasteful jest but sighed.  
  
"Okay buddy. It's time to get up then. I'll escort you to car and have Sebastian drive you home."  
  
-  
  
1:49 pm. It wasn't even that late when you were brought home. You had refused your driver's offer to help you inside, preferring to stagger of your own accord into your home. All of the lights was switched off as usual but from your place in the entryway, you could see and hear the faint noise coming from your living room. Of course he'd still be up at this time of the night. You've caught him watching romcoms at 6 in the morning and it's not wrong of you to assume he stayed up the whole night because of the utter mess around him. Multiple blankets was thrown all around the leather couches, several empty chip bags was sheryn about the place, and his clothes was discarded I'm a pile just below the television.  
  
Thankfully, you're beginning to sober up as you stumbled into your home and headed for the kitchen, which was an open concept and was just right beside your ridiculously big living room. You switch the lights on and take out the full carton of apple juice from your fridge before proceeding to chug it down.  
  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" You hear that familiar rough timbre of his voice, but spoken unusually softly this time. You see him from the corner of your eyes, wearing a simple greyish white shirt and his red boxers. You've observed that Karkat seems to hate wearing pants. Or at least, that's your conclusion since you almost always seem him walking around the house with said boxers, with nothing else on.  
  
You raised a curious eyebrow at him. "The fuck do you think it looks like?"  
  
"Drinking your stress and pain away with aj because you don't want to have an alcoholism problem when you already have an addiction to Apple juice?" He countered snidely, raising his own eyebrow at you. Your eyes widened a bit because that description wasn't too far from the truth. He just forgot to add the depression and anxiety in love.  
  
Then your stupid mind forgot that you left your shades on top of your head because you already had a hard time moving around in the dark while half drunk without the need of adding a darker tint to everything. You keep forgetting that your main defense mechanism in hiding your emotional perfectly is through your shades. You tend to show everything on your eyes, even the dark eye bags from countless sleepless nights from working too much.  
  
You rolled your eyes and momentarily put the apple juice down. "I'm not fucking oblivious you know. I can pick up on shit considering how long I've been here. You make pretty obvious actions when you're stressed or tired, douche bag. It's so painfully obvious it's almost like you're actually asking for help with your emotions, it ridiculous." You froze up at the rant he just gave. Are you seriously that defenseless at home? "Any fucking way, what's got you so uptight tonight? Your eyes look more tired than usual. Hell, you even fucking forgot to close the door ass bulge. Did you forget your brain inside your unnecessarily huge limousine? Do you really want to get robbed and suffocated in your sleep? Granted, if you asked me, I would've done it for you free of charge. You're so fucking stupid, I can't believe your species survived this long."  
  
You stayed quiet for a moment longer, staring at the marble counter and just *thinking*. "Can you just... Not tonight. I don't need you insulting me tonight. I know exactly how stupid I am." You said softly, almost talking to yourself. Granted, this wouldn't have been the first time you've talked to yourself for both ironic and non ironic reasons.  
  
There was a long silence after that. Then you feel a tug on your arm and before you knew it, the troll was right beside you, the door closed behind him. You look over at him lazily, watching his sharp red eyes soften at the edges and for his constant frown to mold into a simple blank slate, expressionless. "C'mon. Let me help you out for once. I'm not an ungrateful asshole who totally just ignored your kind gesture of letting me stay and refusing to use me like a 'device' should be."  
  
There was not much you could do aside from sulk and think about John and sulk even more. Plus, it's a rare occurrence for Karkat to even approach you in the first place so might as well indulge it. Anything to forget tonight without falling into an addiction.  
  
He led you all the way up stairs and you frowned when he took you to your bedroom. "Wait-- What are you doing?" You had questioned him, watching him pull you into your bedroom and push you inside. He said nothing to you in response and simply walked over to your bedside cabinet, pulled out a red handkerchief from one of the cabinets, before draping it over the light bulb of the lampshade. Then, he turned it on and your room was immediately bathed with dim red light. Things are still barely visible and when you look at him, you swear you can see his eyes faintly glowing in the dark.  
  
"Karkat?" You called out to him as you simply watches him cross the room and close the door. "Karkat." You said his name once again, more firmly this time, when you heard the sound of the door clicking shut. He had locked it.  
  
"Relax." He answered quietly. Something about his voice had changed. His voice wasn't as rough or harsh as it used to be, and his tone was quieter and more hushed. It was soft, yet it rang inside your head much more than if he had shouted right into your ears. It sent shivers down your spine at his ability to change octaves so easily.  
  
He turned to you, movements slow and calculated. Each step was deliberate and smooth. But despite everything else, you can't tear your eyes from his own.  
  
Before you knew it, he was inches from your face, just enough to hear his own soft breathing. He was considerably shorter than you, just enough for you to comfortably rest your chin on top of his head. "Relax." He said once more, and closed the distance between the two of you.  
  
You were too frozen to react right away, so he acted for you. He pushed you down onto the bed, just enough to get you to sit down on the edge of the mattress. He disconnected from your lips for a single second before he's on you again, kissing softly. His movements against you was soft, making sure you're not caught too off guard with every small action. First, he wraps his arms around your shoulders, letting it hang loosely. Then he came closer and slowly crawled onto your lap, a leg on each side of your waist.  
  
He was casual about it, almost like kissing this way was second nature to him, but you were tense, and awkward. Truth be told, you've never really kissed anyone before in this manner. You've exchanged a few tasteful kisses here and there from beautiful ladies you were forced to date because you were a celebrity and you have an image to keep up. But nothing this far. You always Houghton you'd have your first with John. But you're 22. It's time to face reality and stop being naive. You're never going to have him.  
  
**_You're never going to have him._ **  
  
The though cracked something inside of you, and you gasp into the kiss softly, trying your best to keep tears from spilling. You'd look pathetic. Not like Karkat doesn't already think you're pathetic, but you don't want to give him a reason that solidifies that fact about you.  
  
**_Stop thinking about him._ **  
  
**_Just stop thinking._ **  
  
You focused on the task at hand and dispelled any thoughts you had about your crush since childhood. Instead, you tried to distract your senses with the person with you right now. The way his rough textured tongue swirled inside your mouth. The way his own mouth tasted like minty candy canes. The way his body was so small in your arms. The way you could feel his muscles move around under your fingertips. The way he tightened his legs around your waist when you slipped your hand under his shirt and traced the spine of his lower back. The way his body heat increased in the places the two of you touched one another. The way his dulled serrated teeth brushed against your lips.  
  
He pulls away for a breath and proceeds to take his shirt off. His grey skin was tinted with a faint red glow and his face was flushed. Eyes half lidded, but still holding the same intensity as when you had first met him. Once the particle of clothing was discarded, he wraps his arms around you again and starts licking your jawline. "If it helps you, try imagining him." He murmured into your skin. Your hand that was placed on either side of his hips tightened at the suggestion.  
  
No. You don't want to remember.  
  
You inched backwards into the bed before you slowly turned him around so that your were the one on top this time. His arms was still wrapped around your neck loosely. You stared at him for a moment, the way his mouth was opened just slightly enough to show off his teeth. Your vision blurred for a moment, perhaps due to the fact that you're still technically half sober, and deep red eyes became wide eyed blue. It was only for a single second. But you could feel your eyes water again.  
  
Before anything could spill, you crashed your lips against his, and kissed him roughly. You dominated the kiss, sticking your tongue into his mouth and exploring its entirety. His teeth, his tongue, anything to make you remember that this isn't John. And it will never be John.  
  
"Mmn-- gh..." He makes a strangled noise as you kissed him hard, so, you pulled away to give him a moment to breathe. You could hear his heavy breathing from this close, but seeing his face-- the way his cheeks were a bright tint of red, the way his eyebrows furrowed, and his eyes that seemed to reflect your own sadness and heartbreak.  
  
Your breath hitches and you turn him over so you don't have to see the look on his face. So that he doesn't see the look on your face, how you're close to breaking down yourself.  
  
"Go ahead." He said softly, head resting in his arms. Breathing starts to become hard and your vision begins blurring as well. You stayed still for a moment, unable to move your shaking fingers, and he tried his best to turn his head to look at you from the position he's in.  
  
Then, he pulls own his own boxers and presses against you. Still, it takes you a moment to focus your eyes and get your belt undone. Pinkish red liquid dripped from something that kept moving between his legs, staining your sheets. But that was the least of you problems at the moment.  
  
"Go ahead." He repeated, voice thick and slow when you've finally managed to pull your pants down. "*Go ahead*." He repeated still, when you didn't move and he had to move his hips against yours. "Seriously. It's fine. Go ahead." He said while you tried to clear your vision. "Dave." He said your name softly afterwards, as if it was an afterthought, but it was enough for you to at least do it to satisfy him.  
  
It's the first time he used your first name instead of an insult to call you.  
  
Warm. Hot. Excruciatingly scorching. You could feel it in your stomach when you gently pushed in. Your mind began short circuiting and your grasp around your emotions breaks. While he squirms at even the smallest movement from you, you're crying your eyes out because it feels like you're heart has just been ripped from you. All the memories of your beloved childhood friend floods your memory, and along with it comes a deep slow ache that rocks your core. You feel so lonely, and your body is shaking and trembling. Anguish and pleasure is a deadly combination to be feeling.  
  
You leaned over and hid your face into his hair, crying as silently as you can while he muffled his moans into the pillow beneath you. You wrapped your arms around his body, trying to memorize his shape and telling yourself that he's not him. Too many differences. Too many differences.  
  
This isn't him.  
  
This isn't him.  
  
This isn't him.  
  
This is _Karkat_ .  
  
The one in your arms is a troll given to you on your 22nd birthday, named Karkat.  
  
-  
  
This is something different. The way he moved, the way he treated you, the way he touches you-- With care and gentle fingers, it almost feels like he's always asking for constant confirmation of consent. Everyone else who has ever laid hands on you were always rough, excitable, and had no concern for your own well being. Even fewer have even taken the time to kiss you and do even the slightest bit of foreplay. Consent is totally out of the question.  
But he's different, and something inside you is hurting with that knowledge. _Please stop being so kind to me_ . Your mind quietly called out while your voice told him to go ahead.  
  
_Why couldn't you be like all the others?_  
  
Emotions have always been a pain in your line of work. So, you've learned to shut it off and not care how others perceived you, or treated you. You are a tool to be used. This is something you've been taught your whole life, ever since you were a little grub. _So please treat me like one. Don't be kind to me._  
  
His kisses were smooth and full of intensity. His touch burned against your skin unlike any before. His pressure was soft, just enough to entice you and not hurt you. _You're so kind, did you know that?_  
  
_So why..._  
  
_Why are you wearing such a painful expression on your face?_  
  
His ruby eyes sparkled and glowed in the dark like a luminescent night light. His skin was soft and flawless, just like you'd expect from someone of his status. But his eyebrows furrowed deeply, and his lips were being biten down by his teeth. There was not a hint of a smile on in his facial features, and something about the way he looked at you makes your heart ache. Something that hasn't happened in a long time.  
  
_Why do you look like you want to cry?_  
  
You touched his face before he tore you away from him, and turned you around so you faced the pillows. This was probably for the better, not being able to see his face. You don't have to look at such a saddened expression, and he doesn't have to see how much it affected you.  
  
" _Go ahead_ ." You had whispered, tilting your head to check on his once again after he had stopped moving for a little while. You noticed his shaking fingers and you had to look away and bury your face into the pillow so the hitching of your breath wouldn't be as noticeable. You did him a favor and pulled your underwear down for him.  
  
_Why...?_  
  
He was tender with you. He didn't ram it in without a warning like others have. He was hesitant and took great care with you. _Stop it... Don't make me feel these things..._ You could feel warm liquid hitting your back and you know that it could only be from one thing; He's crying. Your body trembles at the thought of that painful expression of his and you can't stop your own eyes from brimming with tears. But you held it back, only succeeding very little. Because when he's finally fully in, and your whole body is pulsating with a foreign feeling of pleasure, he leans his head into yours and you could feel his slow unsteady breathing on the back of your neck.  
  
His arms snaked around your body and his hand tangled softly with your bulge. _Please let go. Please don't do this. Please don't hug me like you actually care._ You bit the pillow and tried to deny your tears. But still, they spilled from your eyes despite the low moans that escaped your lips.  
  
You barely heard when he said it. His body racked with sobs, and you could feel each movement with how close your bodies are with each other. But you were paralyzed when you realize what he was murmuring under his breath, in between each cry.  
  
" _Karkat_ ."  
  
He was saying your name over and over again and new fresh tears poured from your eyes. Nobody has ever even called out your name when they did this things with you. They called out other names, strangers names, instead of your own. You've always been a replacement for someone else who can't be there. You're a tool, a device to be used to fill the empty holes in other people's hearts. And to do that, you can't have a heart of your own. But to hear your name for the first time? And with such a loving tone to it?  
  
You can't stop the feelings that overtake you.  
  
Anguish, pain, pleasure, confusion, joy. A mix of emotions swirling inside your mind like a hurricane.  
  
_Please..._  
  
_Don't be cruel..._  
  
_And make me fall in love with this..._  
  
  
  
Not with you.


	5. What's Not In This Chapter? Pillow Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR KEEPING THIS CHAPTER IN THE WORKS FOR SO LONG.
> 
> School is being a bitch I'm so sorry :') But it's finally here! Have a little bit of fluff and relationship development~ Before I utterly ruin shit with the arrival of another character to create drama ;')

Golden rays of sunlight filtered through the curtained window across the king sized bed, bathing the dark red sheets and revealing it’s rich maroon color. The room was still illuminated with a deep red shade in the areas where the light didn’t reach the room.

Shifting positions, it takes a while before your eyes fluttered open, immediately flinching at the sudden contact with the bright light in front of you. Once your eyes adjusted to the stark contrast of the sunlight against the dim room,you realize that he’s gone. Still, you grasp around your large empty bed, looking for another form, only to grasp at cold sheets. With a defeated sigh, you hauled yourself out of bed, a light buzz running around in your head from last night’s booze. Most of the party is missing from your mind, but you can still remember the things that happened when you came home to him, an alcoholic mess.

Unsurprisingly, you’re still wearing your dark tuxedo from last night, a few buttons left loose with your tie wrinkled and in need of an ironing before you can wear it once again. Sluggishly, you make your way over to your closet to change into a more comfortable outfit. Hopefully, Roxy will clear your schedule for today after seeing the shit you got into last night. You really can’t think too clearly to do any of your work right now.

Once you’ve changed out of your clothing from last night, you head downstairs to prepare for breakfast. You check your phone and groan unhappily at the fact that it’s still ridiculously early for a day off for you. It’s only 9:28 am.

Just as you finish being self deprecating with the usual shit decisions you make, just like last night, you’re surprised to look up from your phone to his small form in a baggy sweatshirt and loose fitting sweatpants, with the stove on while he’s trying to reach for something at the top of the refrigerator. You were afraid that by engaging in an act like that, you’ve broken something unfix-able between the two of you. You’ve been enjoying his loud company for a while now and you hoped he wouldn’t revert back to his silent ways the first few days you two met. “... Karkat?”

His hands stilled from stretching to grab the salt shaker from the top of the fridge, before his eyes slowly turned to look over at you. You think he made a quiet hissing noise of annoyance before giving up on the salt shaker to continue moving around whatever’s on the frying pan and continues to ignore you. Somehow, that makes your stomach sink just a bit. Just a bit though. You carefully approach to lean against the counter, watching him lazily.

“Didn’t think you knew how to cook.” You tried to say casually, trying to start up a conversation with him and avoid making things awkward between the two of you.

“Of fucking course I know how to cook. Some of my previous owners didn’t always provide for me in the right ways. They sure as hell gave me things I wasn’t allowed to keep when they discarded me and I was sent back to the facility, but they didn’t always actually feed me. And most of the other staff didn’t bother either, and like hell I’d ask to be cooked for. So I learned by myself.” He explained, gaze firmly set on the eggs he was frying. He doesn’t want to even look at you and you bite your lip at that thought.

“I’m sorry.” You muttered, gazing off awkwardly to the side. Striders were never really good with emotions and apologies. At least you’re not as bad as your brother though. “About last night, I mean. I’m sorry.”

He turns off the stove and grumpily drops the spatula onto the counter with an unapologetic thud. “Do you really think I want to talk about that this early in the morning?” He snapped, and despite your usual overconfidence, you feel yourself flinch at his harsh tone. Worst of all, you forgot your shades on the nightstand beside your bed. There’s no hiding. You make things _even more_ awkward by putting your hands up to deflect your eyes from his view, stumbling about, unsure where the fuck your feet are taking you. You just. Wanted to get away where your emotions are in full view. “Wait, Strider--”

Though he calls after you, you don’t turn back and head for the living room, heaving out a heavy sigh. “Look, I get it, you don’t want to talk about it. I’m just, I’m sorry for fucking up. I know you let me do that and shit--, but I was drunk and I should’ve known better. I’m sorry for being a stupid shit. I know we made a pact not to those shit because I never wanted to and I know neither did you and you probably just felt bad for me and shit, but still-” _Shit. You’re rambling._ You can’t stop the utter word vomit though, and it just makes the light headache even worse than just a tolerable buzz. Thinking too hard while hungover is something you need to stop doing.

You feel a tug at your shirt, and you momentarily glance over your shoulder, eyes half lidded in pain as you tried to ride this shitty wave of a headache assaulting your poor mushy human brain. “Are you really that stupid? I didn’t cook two sunny side up eggs for nothing, Stridouche.”

You stare down at him for a moment, before sighing and turning around to give him his moment to speak after that uselessly long speech about yourself deprecation. He takes a long deep breath before opening his mouth. “ _Look,_ can you just please stop saying sorry so fucking much to me? It’s kinda freaking me out. You did nothing wrong. I gave you my consent. But you’re making such a big deal about it. Plus, it’s not like it’s my first time either way, so it should be fine. And as for the pity part, I told you before; I’m not oblivious or stupid. With your shades off, you should’ve already expected me to know that you cried your eyes at some point in that party, which is a pretty big fucking red flag. I know who you and your reputation in the media and all that shit, but you’re still human. No one should expect you to be a lifeless, emotionless, rag doll to pose for the camera.” He ranted, rolling his eyes at you as he crossed his arms over his chest, still looking supremely pissed off despite the contradicting caring words coming from his mouth.

“Basically, I’m saying, it’s okay. You didn’t ruin shit. I guess I’m just… Moody. That you’re making such a big deal about something so simple.” He added, bringing finality to his rant. But you’re just left there, speechless, unsure how to respond. So, you didn’t put much thought into your response, just letting your tongue say whatever’s on your mind.

“But, **_it’s not okay_ ** . Just because you’ve done it before, doesn’t make the act of _actually doing it_ , any lighter. Maybe I wouldn’t know anything because I’ve never actually done it all that often, but something that important shouldn’t be thrown around so lightly. I just--, I don’t know. Chivalry may be dead, but I’m not a complete douchebag. I just don’t want you feeling uncomfortable around me, or even expecting me to do that any time soon again. Fuck-- I don’t know to explain all of this, sorry. I’m just rambling and--”

“ **_That was your first time?_ ** ”

The two of you stare at each other for a long while, mostly in disbelief at all the things unpacked between the two of you in such a short time. But, being the dense fuck that you are, took an extra few seconds to realize what he meant, before flushing a light red that must’ve been so obvious on your ghostly white skin. Curse your albino genetics. “ **_No_ **.” You lied, sounding as incredulous as you possibly can to sell it.

And before you knew it, the previous tension between the two of you is gone, and he’s laughing at you with that deep rough voice of his. “ _Holy shit, Strider_ . I didn’t think you’d still be a virgin at your age, especially with your status.” He commented heartily, and you turn away in response, mentally kicking yourself in the dick. The two of you were having such a good serious conversation for once but you had to fuck it up by going and accidentally spilling that it’s your first time doing shit like that. _Hypocrite._ You talk like you know the importance of first times and it’s invaluable price when you just gave yours away last night because of the sudden and utter realization that your childhood crush is most definitely not gay, and will never go homoflex for you, because you are _not_ an exception to his heart. You mean, you’ve always known. But it’s hard to stop believing you’ve got hope when he gives you false signals every now and again. _Oh- and the way your heart easily flutters. Naive._

He coughs awkwardly, and fuck-- you got lost in thought again, because before you knew it, he’s set up a plate of eggs and sandwich with nutella for you and he’s sitting across from you in your tiny table. Again, for a moment, when you look up at him and meet his red eyes, there’s that unusual unguarded expression on his face, but before you could really see it, he turn his head down on his meal, and the expression is gone. “Soooooo… Do you mind if I ask what actually happened last night?” He started up, and you’re surprised by his sudden friendliness towards you. Usually, you’re the one who has to pester him for conversation, but this time, he’s actually the one initiating one with you. You tried not to smile too widely at that thought.

“It’s nothing really, just a stupid thing over someone I really liked.” You responded quietly, taking a bite out of your chocolate covered sandwich. “Sappy, I know. I almost got blackout drunk and if my siblings didn’t sober me up before I got home, I probably would’ve been in a much worse state than you saw me in.”

He stared you, actually looking somewhat interested in what you were talking about. “Seriously? It’s a guy, I’m guessing. Don’t tell me, childhood friend?” He joked, and you felt your heart stop. He’s being really friendly. Even cracking jokes. It’s… A little unnerving actually. But more so with the fact that he’s spot on in his guess.

“What makes you think that?”

He shrugged, taking a long sip from his glass of water. “It’s such an old cliched story that’s been retold in so many movies and books over and over again. Childhood friends but one of them always looked at the other as more than just that, but it always ends in some form of tragic rejection or infinitely going around in circles of unrequited love until someone new comes along to break that routine. Events and shit happen, new love interest gets closer to the protagonist,  and they fall happily in love, before the author suddenly ups and decides to ruin the other childhood friend’s independent personality by suddenly giving him a fatal attraction to the protagonist in this twisted story line of _‘I’ve always loved you back, I just never knew but it’s too late!’_ before totally changing that hopeless arch to create a conflict by turning said now jealous childhood friend against the protagonist’s current love interest for the sole purpose of conflict, while ruining a perfectly good friendship based on years and years of trust for the sake of drama.”

You stare at him a little dumbfounded, unsure what to say to that whole rambling. When he noticed your prolonged stares of what you assume is utter disbelief and shock, he flushes a bright red hue, a surprisingly pretty gradient against his dark grey skin. “ **_Don’t laugh. I watch a lot of rom coms. I swear if you laugh I will rip out your very vocal chords you cherish so much to make a living, put it in one of those weird human blenders your species has, and feed it to you through your fucking nose._ ** ” He said threateningly, but you just can’t help but laugh a little at that ridiculous and overly descriptive run on sentence about how he’s happily kill you.

He lets out a low, gravelly growl from the back of his throat before quickly finishing his food in a haste and standing up to leave the table.

Once he was out of the kitchen and dining room area, you let yourself burst out laughing, while you hear him swear at you in what you assume is Alternian, his native tongue. It feels like you’ve gotten close to him. It warms your heart to know that he’s comfortable talking normally with you from now on.

This is better than any pillow talk you possibly could’ve had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and send feedback, thank you~


	6. It's Purely For Legislative Purposes, Mr. Strider

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO FUCKING SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE.
> 
> WARNING: THIS ONE'S EXTRA LONG TO MAKE UP FOR IT. I SWEAR WE'RE GETTING TO SOME ACTUAL CONFLICTS THIS TIME.
> 
> PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

 

  
"The annual Alternian Visitation is coming up again. I didn't know you had to be a part of it. Much less actually have a big role in it." The last time her 'dearest Imperial Condescension' came to visit Earth was 10 years ago. It's always every 5 sweeps that she comes around to visit, under the excuse of superficial reasons and to ensure healthy and stable relations with the government of Earth. A 'check up', of sorts. But of course, it's all propaganda. The real reason she comes around isn't to check out the 7 wonders of the world. She comes around to visit to ensure that her biggest booming business, the SSP, is still a properly working company on all continents around Earth.

  
Staring at the mirror's reflection of you, you frowned at your shittily done bow tie. You never bothered learning how to tie one, considering you rarely even needed to. All that was important was looking sharp in any suit you were put into. But everyone in your family insisted you try a bit harder for this event. Even Dirk agreed with your Lalonde sisters that it'd be for the best if you looked extra extravagant for tonight's scheduled plans. "It's not like I have much of a choice in it either. Rox said something about maintaining my reputation, meaning being present and mingling with her Condescension's entourage during her visit. I mean, it is kind of the biggest event every 10 years with every sort of media having it's focus on it. It'd look bad if I didn't accept the offer to be apart of the welcoming committee of entertainers."

  
He sighed exasperatedly,- on purpose because you could hear him all the way from across the room on your bed -, and stood up, throwing the book he was reading haphazardly on the cabinet beside your bed. "You look annoyed. Are you seriously that disappointed that you don't get to have me tonight either?" You joked lightheartedly, which resulted in a hardy punch from the troll on your shoulder. That's definitely going to bruise once the party's over.

  
"Shut your shit hole, douche fuck. You know why I'm annoyed. The fact that everyone gets so in and over their heads over her visit is fucking annoying to me. Your species really are dumb and small minded. What the fuck happened to all the classics back then? You're all so fucking stupid, I'm surprised your shit for brains haven't bled out of your ears yet." He ranted, probably without noticing that he was. It makes you smile a bit at his usual antics.

  
It's been weeks since that... Awkward incident between the two of you. He's been avoiding anything in the social media since news broke out of the fact that Rose gave you such a shit present for your birthday. Not like he's the one that's shitty, but the idea in which he was given to you was infuriating. But you've avoided ever mentioning it to your sister and how you feel about the entire thing. The only thing you're glad about with the Condescension's arrival is the fact that all the buzz is being redirected from that piece of headline news to the elite welcome party committee, one in which you're a apart of.

  
He comes up right to you and slaps your hands away from the wrinkled fabric that was supposed to be your dark red tie. You let him do his thing, fixing it for you into a perfect knot. You're actually impressed. "Nice. Didn't know you'd know how to tie a tie, Karks. What other secret talents have you been holding back on me?"

  
He growled and took your shades from the vanity table and shoved them right into your head. If this was the first few times the two of you interacted, you're sure he wouldn't have hesitated to shove the handles on either side of it right into your eye sockets. "Do you ever shut the fuck up?"

  
You couldn't help but grin. Bantering with him was one of your favorite things to do, although you'd never admit it. "Only when you make me."

  
But he doesn't answer in his usual paragraph long rant, complete with his signiature colorful array of curses. Instead, he stares at you, and there's a glint of something in his expression and you feel inclined to move closer to inspect it, something about him magnetizing you to him...- But he simply punches you in the same spot he did before growling lowly, "talk shit again and I'm punching down lower."

  
"That's one way to make me shut up." He muttered to himself quietly. You cleared your throat quite audibly when he snapped his attention back to you with a withering glare. "Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays. Want to come along with me this time?"

  
He looks at you with a semi disgusted look on his face, one that looks silly on his face it almost makes you laugh. But his glare and previous threat made you keep silent. "Are you stupid? Wait, forget that question, you are. I should've expected such an oblivious horse shit question from a small minded fuck head like you." He growled lowly. You raised your eyebrows above your shades. "I just told you I hated this whole thing."

  
"Look, it's not like it's the main event where you'll see her face. You've been couped up in the house for more than 4 months now, it won't hurt to come out just once. Plus, it's just a preparation event for the party coming before Condy to do some security check ups and finalizing details. It's a private event, so media isn't allowed in. You'll be safe." You tried to explain in an attempt to persuade him to join you this once. You've tried to once before but he would dismiss it every time, preferring to continue binge watching his romcoms in your living room and dirtying your expensive couch. It'd also help out your cleaning staff if they got a break from cleaning his popcorn off the floor, even for just this night.

  
He stared long at you, seemingly able to see past your aviators, almost the same way as your sister, but it gives you a whole different feeling when he's the one to look at you that intently. "Why do you want me to come so badly? You keep asking. What's with you?"

  
You bit your lip. "Why not? I just want you to... Experience more things, I guess." You muttered quietly, wondering what the lightness in your chest is when you see his expression soften, a small twitch of a smile gracing his lips for a moment. "I know how you mentioned a few things about... The previous times this type of thing has happened to you. You're usually kept under tight restrictions, almost like a metaphorical leash, you said. And I promised you that it won't be like that with me. I don't want to just keep you safe. Everyone should have the chance to live their life."  
He stayed quiet, staring down at the ground once again, leaving you in a tense silence. It seems no matter how well the two of you interact with each other, there's still going to be this awkward wall between the two of you. "Look, I know fancy events like this isn't really considered 'living', I would know, but I do think going out would do you some good. So... What do you say, kitkat?"

  
He seems to bite his lip, glancing up at you. "Don't call me that in public."

  
You break out into a wide grin.

  
-

  
The car pulls up to wide building, various cars already around the brightly lit facility. He's been fidgeting anxiously beside you ever since he got into the car, looking over at you, to car mirror, then to the car window at the moving scene, before looking back at you once again. "It's alright, I'll be with you. You don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to, just stick close to me, kay?" You said, patting his shoulder to try and reassure him.

  
He nodded, although he still chewed on his lower lip with his dulled fangs. You tried to give him a smile before your chauffeur arrived at your car door and opened it for you.As a show that chivalry is not dead, you offered your hand to him when you exited the door, but he totally ignores your gesture and stares up at the building. There's a noticeable shift in his stance that lets you know that he's not very comfortable. Probably even more so with ill fitting clothes on. You couldn't find one that's the right size for him and there was no time to get him a custom made outfit, so he opted to just wear one of the suits you've outgrown over the years instead. Not that your complaining. He looks good in an all midnight black suit with accents of silver in the form of a pin of your brand logo on the chest pocket, with a bright red suit tie, a high contrast against the black polo.

  
"Strider? Are we going in or not? You're spacing the fuck out again." His voice rings through your ears, and again, you're reminded of it's perfect tune, in it's own rough way. It reminds you that things are beautiful because it doesn't last, that perfect is found in imperfection, that contradiction in symmetry- "Dave. Other people are arriving. Are we going in or are you going to stand there like a shitty human statue and wait for birds to shit on? What the fuck are you waiting for? News flash, Christmas already came and went."

  
You snapped back into reality real quick and turned away your attention from analyzing his face too deeply to the chauffeur and nodding to him, telling him it's okay to stop keep holding the car door open for them for another 5 to 10 minutes. "Right. It almost sounds like you're actually excited for it." You decide to say teasingly instead, an attempt to hide how uncooly you were ogling him just now. Again, you're thankful for your aviators and their ability to save your dignity and hide your true awkward persona again and again.

  
He doesn't bite back with his own banter and instead takes a step closer to you, looking around, seeming to be cautious. "Look, I just want to get inside already so I can sulk in some lonely corner or something. I... Don't like being stared at." He mutters quietly, before glaring up in your direction then taking a step back when he realized how close he had gotten to you.

  
With a gentle, boyish smile, you nodded and started heading for the entrance with both hands tucked into your pants pockets. "Keep close to me. I'll take care of you."

  
Per usual, he rolls his eyes at you, but does as you suggested and kept in closer than usual proximity to you. You entered the automatic door where a greeter smiles creepily wide at you and directs you down the hall where you eventually find the obviously grand ball room with high ceilings and floor to ceiling windows that over viewed the well kept garden just behind the building.

  
Light chatter was to be expected, but as soon as you entered, all eyes gradually make their rounds glancing over at your direction. Taking in the attention for a few moments, you stood in place and smiled smugly. But when you glanced down to see him practically hiding behind you, it's like a little (by little you mean huge) boat that was your ego has just been shot down by a cannonball and it's taking water real fast, the sick, uncomfortable feeling of guilt setting down in the pits of your stomach. How stupid could you be? He just said he didn't like being stared at, but being the inconsiderate fuckard that you can't seem to avoid not being, you walked in and promptly forgot about it, too happy with the feeling of your massive ego being inflated.

  
You gingerly take his hand and carefully weaved your way into the crowd as fast as you can, trying to disappear from the public eye by taking him to the farthest corner of the room and hiding out there.

  
You finally pull him into ther corner and meet his eyes and he looks like he's about to cry, with eyes squinted, the furtive way he tries to hide the way he's biting on his lip, dark eyebrows trying their hardest not to furrow into a frown, and lips pursed in a thin line. You grit your teeth. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid-

  
"Shut the fuck up, idiot. It's not your fault. And, It's not that... Big a deal that you should be beating yourself about. I'm fine." He practically barked at you in a low whisper, trying to avoid getting anyone else's attention. He tried to shrug off your hands that you didn't even know was digging into his shoulders at this point. You even forget to ask how he knew you were getting upset at that specifically.

  
"It is a big a deal to me!" You argued back in low murmurs. "Look, are you okay? I can arrange for someone to get you and bring you back here if it really makes you uncomfortable. I'm sorry for pressuring you into this if you weren't ready in the first-"

  
He openly growls at you, something you frown at and slowly push him further back into the corner. "Stop it! I'm fucking fine, Strider! Stop worrying and bitching about how it's your fault and how much you'd just love to adapt to my every whim and need. Why do you even care so much? Why are you being so protective?" He reached up to your shades and roughly pushed them back, glaring at you with an almost pained expression, teeth peaking out from his mouth just slightly in annoyance.

  
You... You can't muster up to say anything when he stares at you like that. Something about it rocks your mind at how familiar that look is, and it's frustrating because you can't pinpoint where he's shown you something like that before. But a familiar, high pitched, already mildly tipsy, voice breaks your thought process. He lets go of your shades, letting it fall harmlessly back on the bridge of your nose and looks away from you, and you can't read his expression anymore. How ironic is that he can read you so easily, but you can't read him at all? When both of you have spent your entire lives hiding how you feel in a cruel society. Or maybe that's just purely on you and your terrible sense of emotion and empathy for other people. Your sister has called you 'an oblivious harem anime protagonist' before. You can admit that dealing with emotions was never in the Strider gene pool, but you didn't think you were as bad at it as Dirk was. You thought you were barely average. Barely passing as normal, like how you were in school. You never thought you were this dense, though.

  
"Daveyyyy! He- hic- Heeey! I'm not interrupting anything here, am I?" She teasingly said, giving you that signature winky face that tells you she's willing to fuck off whenever she used to interrupt your conversations with John. "I mean- I would suggest that you take it somewhere more privaaaateee, but ya just got here! At least stay for a bit longer before you get busy, Davey~"

  
You groan internally at the way she talked, noticing the troll beside you shift uncomfortably from one foot onto the other. "Roxy, no, it's nothing like that-"

  
"Puh-lease save me the virgin talk! I know when someone's about to score when I see it. For god's sake Dave, you're practically cornering the poor thing into a corner! Literally!" She giggled, shooting finger guns at you before taking a step closer to pet his hair. You bit down hard on your lip to see him flinch. "I gotta say sorry for my little bro's inappropriate behavior here, bud. Didn't know he was the handsy type."

  
You roll your eyes and pull her by the arm away from him. You know she's probably maybe, just a little more than tipsy, but you hate how uncomfortable Karkat looks. "What do you need, Roxy? You usually don't come looking all over the party for me unless it's for a good reason."

  
She grinned widely. "You can see right through me, little Davey~" She practically purrs, patting your cheek with one hand affectionately. Then, as if there was a switch turned on, she manages to compose herself enough to actually control her face to look serious. Your sister's capabilities while still under the influence under alcohol is scary sometimes. Actually, both Lalondes scare the crap out of you and your brother. "I need you to come with me to meet some of high importance and influence. Do what'cha do best; Look good, Strider." She said slyly, winking your way before weaving through the crowd, simply expecting you to follow.

  
You look back towards him, only to find him smiling almost sadly, mouthing the words "go, I'll be fine on my own." You doubt that he would, but you know he wouldn't let you stick around for such a flimsy reason after earlier.

  
You nodded and turned to follow after Roxy.

-

Watching his back disappear into a sea of various multicolored suits and sequined, flashy dresses, you sigh. Even in this crowd, his bright beacon of platinum blonde hair is almost discernible from everyone else’s whose hair is blonde. For some ridiculous reason, you always thought of his hair as somewhat ‘special’ somehow, like you could spot him a mile away in a crowd with hair like that.

Sad reality is, this isn't like one of your romcoms, or the sappy romances you read in your novels. If it were, at a scene like this, the writer wouldn’t have taken your companion away and instead would have most certainly sensed your discomfort and turned down the temptation to leave your side in order for some clichéd magical moment to happen, only to be interrupted before the end of the night, because the book still has another 150 pages to fill.

But you know that ‘parties’, for him and his kind, the kind of people in this industry, is just a guise for business. This is all work for him. Since the day you met him, you’ve observed his behaviors. And you can tell, every time he comes home from a full packed schedule, he’s not always as happy as a person usually would be after attending bars, night clubs, events, and other displays for publicity full of free food and expensive liquor, would be.

You catch yourself engaged in another inner monologue with yourself, all about him, and the urge to blush is a little too much to completely keep off of your face. Seems like you’ve been doing that a little too often. But you can’t help it. He’s just… Too charming for you not to instantly fall for something like that. You could go on and on about reasons to like him, and you might just do that, until of course, he eventually finds his way back to you again. At this point, you at least can't deny the wonderful feelings that arise when you talk to him, much less the unfamiliar pleasant feeling of being touched, even like playful punches on the arm, messing with hair- yours or his -, accidental touches on the arm, brushing fingers every now and again-

Your thought processes are absolutely put to a stop when two strangers, both females, and  _definitely_ towering over you with hose absurd heels humans call ‘fashion’, approach you. One was in a long skimpy red dress with overly shadowed eyes and a blonde side clean and proper updo, while the other was in a shimmery dark purple cocktail dress with long, straight red hair and red lips that kind of remind of a shark with lipstick on. You don't like the way they look at you almost hungrily.

“Hey! You  _must_ be the pretty little thing Lalonde got for Dave’s birthday!” The blonde one said in a way too enthusiastic tone than you’re comfortable with. What disturbs you more is how they even fucking  _know_ you were the gift that december, and your hand instinctively goes to cover the tiny shimmery pin of his logo that was attached to the chest pocket of your suit.

The redhead grins at you mischievously and you instantly regret that thoughtless action you did just now. “Damnnnnn. You do kind of resemble him a little bit. What do you think, Kit?”

The blonde glances over at her companion and nods in agreement. You bite your lip and hang your head low out of habit. You know the reason you were purchased in the first place. But that time- when touched you and called out for your name instead -breaks your heart because of how hopeful it makes you every time.

“Hey! Its okay, dont worry about it. I’m sure it’s all worth it, gettin to live with him in that fancy mansion of his- say, do you mind telling us what’s it like being with the most eligible bachelor of  _the century,_ practically?” The redhead continued to babble on, trying to furtively move over to the left, probably hoping you wont notice.

Still -You keep your mouth shut. You’ve been told hard lessons back in alternia to keep your mouths shut in public events, even with the permission of current owners.

“I mean, do you mind tellin’ us a bit of what’s Strider’s private life is like? Both brothers  _are really such a tease_ sometimes when it comes to that. I mean, it’s got to be hard keeping all that hype inside you- so you can totally spill it to us!” The blonde cuts in again, excitement in her tone. You feel her nudge against your sides, and tension begins to build in the pit of your stomach and they keep silently urging you to start walking along in between them and away from the safety of your corner.

“We  _promise_ we’ll keep it all highly confidential.” The redhead pipes in right after the blonde.

“We were wondering, like- what's he like at home? Is he a clean freak or your average living alone messy male only with the added bonus of having people clean for him? What's his favorite food?  _Can he secretly cook_? Is he nice to you, or does he like, ignore you until he needs you again?” The blonde continued to blabber on as you’re forced to walk on shaky, tense knees, dull fangs digging deeper into your lower lip. It almost feels like hurting yourself would be a better situation than being here right now.

“Does he do that? How often does he need you? Hey, is he any good at all, like, behind closed doors if you  _know what I mean_.” The redhead said, the sly tone and hidden meaning behind her words making you want to fall on the floor right now, and choke.

“I mean like-- I hope you don't take this the wrong way! We know he swings the other way,- so us girls wouldn't have  _any_ chance at all in finding out. So, can’t you help out us girls in what's it like being  _the_ Dave Strider?” The blonde practically chirps with an almost gleeful tone in her voice. It sends shivers down your back.

You hadn’t even noticed but they had taken you to one of the corner tables sitting against the walls around the party, not that far off from where you just were actually. The redhead picks up a glass and pours you a little bit of liquor from a bottle with text you cant understand. Perhaps french?

The two girls urge you to drink, staring at you with their wide eyed, expectant stares. And despite the lump in your throat and your growing shortness of breath at their continuous flow of inappropriate questions, you down the drink, hoping it’ll loosen you enough from getting a panic attack.

You’re probably completely flushed in the face right now, but you can’t help it. Words, and words, and words, and  _words_ , keep streaming out of their mouths and your mind stopped filtering them a while ago, the noise and light buzzing noise in your ears simply goes through one ear before it goes right out the other, leaving nothing behind while it passed through your thinkpan. Even the floor felt like it was beginning to swim, and you wonder for a brief moment why the hell are humans so fuckng touchy? What is it with them and feeling everything up?

But before the growing faintness in your head utterly consumes you while you attempt to continue drinking, the burning sensation from the alcohol barely even registering in your mind,- you were saved.

“Hey girls! Mind if I borrow him for a sec? Important family business, y’know. Strider’s looking for him.” A bright cheery voice breaks through the other two’s voices. You finally lift your head up, staring at the black haired girl with tired, half-lidded eyes.

The girl wore a more a traditional, conservative dress with a sweetheart neckline (Not that that mattered much- she seems to be flat as a washboard), with green and red floral markings slowly fading as they went down the skirt. What catches your attention though is her bright green eyes. They almost look like they would glow in the dark with how light the hue is.

As if by magic, the girls that were hogging your personal space just a moment ago scatter, letting the girl have a moment with you. She offers her hand once they were completely out of sight, gone in the sea of people.

“Jade Harley, you looked distressed with those girls, so I thought I’d come and give ya hand around here.” She grinned, her smile infectious and making you even smile faintly despite your heart still beating a mile a minute, after being just a few minutes away from a complete break down. Probably.

You bite your lower lip nervously, staring at her outstretched hand for an uncomfortable long amount of time, before finally taking it. Under your breath, you mumble, “Karkat Vantas.”

-

The ease she’s able to maneuver around crowds while being heavily tipsy, but still on the verge of not being classified as drunk yet, fascinates you. The fact that the female of your species can even walk around without any sort of outward display of discomfort in such shoes with 6 inch heels baffles you even more. Really, you don't give Roxy enough credit for what she can do with all of these obstacles that’s ever been in her life. She’s a role model you can appreciate. You should let her know someday.

At some point, she stops and turns around to wait for you to catch up, a grin on her face. “So, care to tell me who is this important person I have to meet now?” She simply shrugs, before moving forward again once the two of you were at the same pace.

“Guess you could say it’s someone  _very_ influential.” She giggled as a response. You rolled your eyes. Everyone you met was always either important, influential, or famous. Or, all three of those and more. “Kiddin’! I could already feel that exaggerated eye roll from behind your shades, Strider. Don’t be a dick like Dirk.”

“This-  _troll_ , you’re going to meet is one of the representatives for her majesty. She’s on legislative business for Condy and it’s important for you to meet her since there’s many things that you need to be aware of as apart of her greeting committee, all in order to make sure you don’t step on some sort of legal bullshit that could be utterly disastrous, shit we don’t really have time to deal with in your tight schedule.” He briefly summarizes, before you finally notice distinguished men and women all huddled around in a circle around a tall female, her back turned towards you. Roxy leans over to you to whisper as you approached the crowd. “Terezi Pyrope. A bit of a nutcase in the way she speaks, especially for being the head of all the legal branch of Alternia. Jokes a lot. To be honest, I think the two of you would get along just well.” Your elder sister winks before making a grand entrance into a conversation, like she always does.

“Ms. Pyrope! Please, sorry to interrupt you fellow gentlemen and gentle ladies- but if you could just spend a little time for me to introduce my younger brother, who I’m sure you all already know by name, to Ms. Pyrope? Yes- Yes, thank you,- No, fyi, I am a taken woman!” Nobody asked her if she was or not. Guess she just really likes to show off her girlfriend whenever she can. It’s pretty endearing, actually. You wish you could do that.

The tall girl finally turned around, sharp red tinted glasses catching the fluorescent lights and making it shine. She smiles widely at you, so much so you were afraid for a moment that she actually gonna stretch out her smile from ear to ear. The sharp teeth didn’t help either, since most trolls who you did meet that decided to move to earth had dulled out teeth, mostly because they usually have human partners. Can’t give oral with fangs that could rip something vital-  _and you utterly regret that thought as soon as it entered your head._

“Roxy Lalonde! I believe me and Mr. Strider here need no introductions. I’m quite a fan of his work, actually.” She grinned, a sly atmosphere to the way she expressed those words. She took the opportunity of being the one to initiate things and taking a step towards you first, not bothering to offer to shake your hand and simply takes yours into hers, her grip firm and strong. “Very respectable work.” Again, that grin that sent chills down your spine. You’re not sure if it’s a good or bad thing yet.

Easily, you slip back into your sauve facade, and offer her a hint of a smile on the corners of your lips. You’ve mastered to perfectly orchestrate your facial expression through the years,- yet your mind wanders back to him and how he easily gets you all railed up and emotional without trying. “Ms. Pyrope. I didn’t know you even watched the stuff I produced.”

She waved away everyone else with a simple hand gesture, gaze never leaving yours. “Please Dave, you can just call me Terezi. I’m pretty fuckin tired of hearing my last name again and again for the whole night.” She said, tone teasing.

“Terezi? TZ, then.” You responded casually. She grinned wider at that, something you didn’t know was even possible anymore at this point. It’s easily to pick up at the fact that she’s trying to take control of the conversation, be the dominant one, by acting so casually and familiar with you. Taking your hand and shaking it without even offering a handshake, waving everyone else away, calling you by your first name without permission. Truthfully, you do like that, even though some may see it as rude on the part of the other person. But she’s not a ‘person’, so societal subtleties don’t apply to her. Plus, you like someone who goes with their own flow and knows what they want, and goes after it. The reason you liked John so much. Being with him made you free just by standing beside him.

“You catch on fast. Going through the important shit should be easy then. Are you busy this weekend, Dave? Actually, I’m pretty sure I can make you clear it anyways.” She exclaims confidently, shifting her weight from her feet to the cane she held in her hands. You raised an eyebrow at her, hating admit that your smile widened just a little by its own volition, your interest now very piqued at what she could mean by that.

“Really now? Are you threatening me with something that sounds like a good time?” You responded slyly, letting a bit of your hidden enthusiasm show as she took a step closer. You’re aware of everyone’s eyes on you, but more attention simply helps out your brand more anyways.

Her shark like smile is so much more noticeable from this distance. She’s only an inch or two shorter than you, but still taller than average compared to humans of her gender. “I could sue you and leave you with jack shit, you know.” She said it so casually, you can’t help but laugh quietly. You don’t doubt that she probably could. That’s what’s so funny about it.

“You know, TZ, if you’re asking me out on a date, you could just say it without having to threaten all my life’s work. I’d go with or without the consequences.”

She grinned. “In your dreams, Dave Strider.” She lowered her head just a bit to let her glasses slide down her nose just a bit to reveal pools of red that covered her whole eyes. She licks her lips. “It’s purely for legislative business, Mr. Strider.”


	7. Ever Closer Yet Further Still

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your obligatory fan service smut ;u; 
> 
> Sorry if it's a bit shorter, but this chapter is literally only dedicated to smut and a few developments so good luck mates.

“Soooo, I hear ya got a date this weekend, hmmmm?” The short blonde haired woman purred, voice slick with a slight slur. You’re not surprised, she still insists on sipping from a champagne glass she sneaked off the party.

Then again, you’re not doing too well yourself either. The earlier events of the evening had made you drink more liquor than you usually consume, at all, and you’re more than sure that you’re a little bit more than tipsy. The next time you see that long black haired her- shit, you already forgot her name- Hinley? Horsely? _Harvey?_ Jane? Josie? _Janice???_ \- whatever her name was, you’ll have to thank her for stopping you from drinking yourself to oblivion the rest of the night. You can already see Strider giving you side glances behind his shades when you doze off at his futile attempts for a conversation. He doesn’t seem to like what his sister wants to discuss with him. You don’t either, it makes you feel sick to the pit of your stomach, and you’re sure that’s not the alcohol talking. Sadly, Janice Harvey stopped you from drinking even enough to forget the stupid shit those girls spouted and the disgusting feeling of anxiety they made you feel at the time.

“It’s just business, okay. Stop looking at me like that,- Roxy what the shit?” You hear him protest as his sister throws an arm around him and drunkenly sang that one meme about lying? You forget. Everything feels a bit fuzzy at the moment.

“C’mooooooooooon Daveyyy! Just admit it. You two totally hit it off. I mean, if you manage to pull this off and woo her, your popularity would sky rockettttttttt! You two would be the biggest power couple, lil brooo! Maybe bigger than Beyonce and Jay Z. Wouldn’t you want that that shit? Your name would be remembered even more.” She rambled on, giggling and laughing to herself just as you all reached the limo.

The blond tries to push the other off of him, trying his best not to seem as rude as he actually is. “Hey Rox, you should go ride your own car with Jane. I bet she’s waitin around right now-”

“Nahhhh, I already texted Janey-poo that we’re going to celebrate tonightt! I’mma be hitchin a ride with you boys~” She practically howled, plopping into the limousine and accidentally dropping the champagne glass onto the floor of the car. “Whoooopssie. Sorry lil broooo.” She giggled, laying down on the rest of the seat and dropping dead as soon as she closed her eyes.

He sighed and easily took your hand to seat you beside him on the other side of the limo. You bite your lip, trying not to make it obvious that that simple gesture made you uncomfortable.

Again, he tried to talk to you about his night and this important troll- Terezi Pyrope- he had to meet over the weekend. You couldn’t really bear to hear it but tried to make your usual banter with him and trying to avoid slurring, although at this point, you’re sure he’s picked up on the fact that you’re a little drunk.

The ride home was quiet when the two of you both run out of words to say, and the exhaustion of the night finally caught up with both of you. You purposefully failed to mention the girls who cornered you and asked… Uncomfortable question, about you, about him, and about your relationship with him.

“Take her to a guest room.” He ordered his chauffeur when you finally got home. You followed him upstairs, the illumination from the moon alone lighting your way up there, since both of you silently agreed that neither wanted to deal with the bright fluorescent lights. Even inside the bedroom, where it’s almost pitch black with only the dim moonlight letting you see his figure as he moved to his closet to change, neither of you still opened the lights for better visibility.

You stayed on the bed, undoing your tie slowly, finding that your eyes keep flitting back up to him.

The way the light hit him from the window made him look like a walking photography, perfect in every way. With such pale skin hidden just under the collar of his polo shirt, looking almost white in under the dim moon shine, it makes your breath hitch and your fingers still from undoing your own button up shirt. One you borrowed from him.

But what you heard on the way to the car after he found you and told you that you were finally going home, about that other girl, brings a dull ache to your chest as you watched him with tired, half lidded eyes.

Images you did not want flood your mind. Others flocking to him, touching him, speaking to him, sharing his voice- You can’t admit it. You don’t like it at all. Not when he’s the closest to you, the closest to touch, talk to, listen, and see,- Oh **_gog_ ** . He pulls his shirt off of his arms, turning around to face you, your eyes meeting his red crimson ones. **_Oh gog._ **

He’s been so kind to you. Respectful of your boundaries and provided you with more than your previous owners ever thought to give you because you were just an **_object_ **. But fuck, he treats you like anyone else and you don’t want to share that with anyone else. His soft touch, the lingering looks, the questions of your health, interest in your life,- the concern, the kindness, the warmth, the generosity and selflessness- You don’t want to fucking share that with anyone else-

Not knowing how, why, when, but suddenly you’ve pressed your lips against his, warmth overwhelming your body in waves. His intricate ruby eyes widening at your sudden assault, your hands cupping around his face to hold him closer- _He reciprocated_.

The alcohol seemed to only start taking effect _now_ , because you’re only starting to feel woozy and faint. The way you kissed him, like you’ve never done before, and the way he kissed you back- it’s messy and heated and you feel like dying, but you’ve never felt more alive than ever before at the same time. Thoughts simply start being muddled together, and you’re not sure what the two of you are doing anymore, because you’re running out of air but you need this more than anything else, want this more than anything else you have wanted or could have wanted in your life and-

You’ve found yourself tearing your belt off and pushing him onto the bed. Your mind spins and the room seems unstable, but when you lay your eyes on him, everything else seems to melt and your vision hyper focuses on his eyes. Your racing heart quiets, seemingly doing the complete opposite of what should be happening.

You’ve never experienced troll quadrants before. You were filled with hatred, and just hatred. There was no room for anything else so intense, but being with him pushes all those thoughts out and are replaced with wonderful things. Of what could be, but is inevitably impossible for you. There is no ‘us’ between the two of you.

But the desire to, like every fairytale romance you’ve seen, heard, and read, are hard not to hope for from a person you perceive as the perfect one for you. But hope is futile. The only thing you wish for, that burning desire, is to be held again like that time he held you on christmas day, and called your name for the first time.

The way he touched you before. The way he touches you now. Unexpectedly calloused hands on your lower back, moving to your hips, helping undo your jeans. You clutch the bedsheets beside his head, while he seemed focused on your pants line, and lightly wriggling _thing_ , between your legs. You can’t help but whimper at his expression on you, because he genuinely looks like he wants you too, and there’s a deep wracking ache in your chest to see it. It almost feels like your heart could burst, and you wouldn’t even be able to register if you cried pathetically or not.

You never really realized how warm humans really are. You heard trolls were like reptiles, with cold skin, the higher one went up the caste, but you’d never know. You’ve always been bunched together with the other warm blooded mutants and Kanaya was the only other different colored troll you encountered. Your caretaker. But humans… They’re much warmer than even yourself, especially in situations like this. You never realized that his pale skin could turn such a hue of red either. He looks adorable under you, making your breath hitch, along with a rising want to tear him apart and make his scream. The thought sends shivers down your spine, even more so when he finally gets enough courage to pull down your boxers to find out yet another difference in your biological make up.

His ears reddened, his cheeks flush up, and when you touch him, he almost feels like he has a life threatening fever. He can’t meet your eyes, fixated on your lazily moving bulge, dripping with genetic material and eager to burrow into something. You’ve… Never actually gotten to use your bulge much, everyone prefered to burrow into _you_ instead, so this is a first you’re eager to try out. The fact that it’s your first time doing something like this, even though it’s not your first sexual encounter, feels warm and special in your heart. You wish you could reverse things and give him your first of everything.

He bites his lower lip _hard_ , shifting to get closer to you, hand brushing against its underside and almost making you moan involuntarily if you hadn’t stopped yourself by covering your mouth. You hate getting so flustered and he hasn’t even done anything that significant to you. Assuming he even would, which seems highly likely when he closes his eyes and guides your writhing bulge to his lips, face crimson red. Your head spins again and you turn your face away, unable to take the sight of him anymore. Your heart pounds in your ear, tightening inside your chest so much it hurts you physically.

You couldn’t hold it back anymore when your bulge involuntarily slips between his lips, having a mind of its own, with it’s very main goal to please you. His voice gets muffled and you have to hold out from thrusting your hips and choking him, dull claws tearing at the sheets beneath you. You dare to sneak a peek under you, only to have his half lidded eyes meets your, drawing out another soft moan at his disheveled appearance.

It’s barely even in his mouth, just half way, but the way he tangles and plays with it using his tongue sends shivers down your spine, making your legs tremble. You could already feel genetic material running down legs, desperate to just get over the edge.

You carefully put a hand on his head, tugging on his hair lightly and for the first time, you hear him mewl and whimper, and you couldn’t hold back anymore.

You shifted to have him support his weight with his elbows, while you stood on your knees, trying as careful as you can to move your hips forward, making sure he’s still alright with your length in his mouth. His dull teeth brushes against a ridge on the underside of your bulge, making your whole body go tense and then limp, a strangled moan mixed with a purr coming from the back of your throat. You can’t even identify what that noise that was, just that it felt good and you needed your voice to release the pressure.

In that moment of weakness, your hand falls from his hair and he flips your positions to have your back on the bed, with him still between your legs. You mewl, covering your face with your arms from embarrassment at the seemingly perfect way your thighs cropped his face, his lips down to the base. You can’t help but buckle and arch your hips when he takes control of things now. You feel like you’re running out of breath and slowly suffocating at every lick and every movement he makes on you.

The curiosity burns inside you, and you peek out of your arms at him again, and you can’t help the string of incoherent moans and curses that escapes your lips when he sucks lightly, running his tongue on the ridge on the underside of your bulge, finding it your weak spot that makes your toes curl and your muscles stretch.

Flashes of words coming from that same mouth come to mind. He’s going out with someone and it makes your heart hurt so much, tears form in the corners of your eyes. The sudden feeling of possessiveness explodes inside you, making you grab a tuft of his hair and keeping him in place, roughly tugging on it and moaning while his muffled noises only brought you closer and closer, ever so closer to the edge-

 _“You’re mine.”_ The words echoed in your mind as you pushed him off by his shoulder, just as you spilled, a moaning mess on the bed, shaking and trembling from how good that felt. Nothing you’ve ever done before could ever compare.

Yet, there’s a hollowness to all of it. A feeling of deep guilt and emptiness when you watched him get up from the floor, face covered in transparent red fluid, and disappear into the bathroom.

It’s the closest you’ve been with him. But it still feels like he’s still so much further from you.

And the thought fills you up with void and replaces the momentary happiness and pleasure you just experienced.

He’s out of your reach.


	8. Killing Me Slowly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S SHORT I'M SORRY ;-;
> 
> Hopefully, it's so full of sad shit that it covers it up ;u;
> 
> Yep, warning; kinda sadstuckish whoops

How the two of you ended up in this situation is as baffling to you as it is to him. Or to anyone else, in fact.

-

After what had happened between the two of you that fateful night, you had offered for him to stick around and sleep in your bed. He had looked at you with those same sad eyes, that expression you couldn’t quite read because it was always gone too fast before you could pinpoint what it was.

Instead, he had wordlessly sat on the opposite side of your bed, back turned away from you. You couldn’t sleep that night, and you had a sneaking suspicion that he didn’t either. But you’re clueless if it was for the same reason that sleep couldn’t wrap you up in it’s tentacly little arms and take you away.

And no, you don’t give a shit if tentacly isn’t a word.

-

Then came the day you were supposed to meet up with Terezi. 12 noon was the decided date upon. She had invited you in a high class restaurant, one you’ve been to and became your instant favorite when their gourmet food didn’t mean a small platter of fancy looking tasteless shit that barely counts as a meal, more or less a snack.

He had sat you down and proposed something ridiculous.

He wanted you be constant ‘partners’. By partners, he means with benefits.

And what’s even more ridiculous is how your brain utterly went blank and your mouth had confidently said, “Sure.”

And that’s not the end of the absurdity. Because when you actually thought about it, after he just attacked you right then and there, making you late and utterly flustered when meeting up with the infamous prosecutor, you realized that, yeah, _you are down for this shit_.

How can you not when he looked you that way, and touched you _in that way_ , at the same time?

Your heart aches, but you have no idea why. It’s the same kind of hurt you feel when you looked at your childhood friend and realize that that’s all you’ll ever be. A childhood friend. Wanting something forbidden. Wanting something he’s completely oblivious to.

Your heart aches in a way that left you breathless, not in a good way. You feel like you’re suffocating, slowly drowning under the waves. Your heart aches in a way that left you feeling like you’re floating on empty space, all alone.

Your heart aches when he wakes up by the other side of your bed, hair completely disheveled. Your heart aches at the dark reddish marks on his skin. Your heart aches to see his figure around the house, almost like silent ghost haunting you. Your heart aches whenever you don’t come home to the sound of the television turned on. Your heart aches when he stopped eating at the table with you. Your heart aches when he stopped meeting your eyes and that unreadable expression on his face kept popping up more often.

Your heart aches when he stopped looking at you except for the times you held him.

Your heart simply aches.

Yet, you’ve hands all over him. And he’s hand his hands all over you. But it always seems like neither of you are really touching the other.

Because your eyes never touch the other.

Because your lips have been everywhere, but never his.

Because he never called you by your name anymore.

Even now, pinned against the kitchen wall while he ravishes your neck, there’s a tightness in your stomach. The feeling of dread of what happens when you stop touch each other. There’s only empty void in between the times of heat and lust.

You became friends. But maybe he never once thought of you in that way in the first place. Maybe that amiable atmosphere had always just been in your head. Maybe that banter wasn’t bonding, but pure and simple banter. Disagreements. Arguments. But like always, you had treated them like games. You had fun. But did you ever check to see if he was happy at all? You always worried about his comfort. You always worried whether he’s alright. But you never actually stopped and asked him if he was _happy_.

“What?” He had asked you, voice low and gruff as always, eyes lazy with that same lustful quality they always get when you’re satisfying each other.

You had unconsciously said the words quietly to yourself while you were lost in your own thoughts.

“It’s nothing.” You had replied, and continued your usual activities. Something that had become of a daily thing, a routine, between the two of you.

-

“You’ve been off for the past few days.” She had remarked, biting into the thick meat of the ribs with ease using her sharp fangs. Your eyes flitted up to meet hers, well, her own red sharp tipped shades, pausing from cutting your own meat with a knife and fork.

“Off? What do you mean? You can’t even see me.” You replied casually, taking a fry and dipping it into your melted sundae before popping the whole thing into your mouth. She scrunches her nose up disapprovingly at your factual remark.

“I may not be able to see without licking things,- shut up and don’t protest I’m talking,- but you keep forgetting that I still have ears, dumbass. You’re not talking, nor are you eating. You’re not making any noise with your utensils. Hell, when we go out shopping, you seem to stare at shitty pirated level romcoms longingly, I almost want to ditch you.” She had explained, putting elbows on the table and knitting her fingers together to make a small bridge with her hand in which to rest her chin on. “So, tell me cool kid. What’s the matter?”

“It’s nothing.” You mutter quietly, just loud enough to be heard above the silent chatter around the restaurant. You had picked a seat by the window, as you liked looking out at the street below while you ate. You always had since you were a child, as far back as you can remember.

She snorted at your answer. Of course she doesn’t believe you, through the first few meet ups with her, she’s learned to easily pick up on your tone of voice, no matter how slight, and call you out when you’re bullshitting. “We’ve been together for a few months, Strider. Don’t think you can get away with a ‘it’s nothing’ to me now. We’re friends. You can trust me.” She says, yet with that same shark like smile when you first met, you highly doubt that trust aspect, although you already know it to be true.

You’ve told the Pyrope girl a few things about your personal life already, but you’ve made sure to keep the intimate details about your agreement with Karkat a secret between the two of you. It’s your problem to deal with.

“Is it still about the tabloids and what they’re saying about us being somehow a power couple?” She starts. She always lists out your problems and when she notices a change, she deems it to be the main one bothering you. “It isn’t, is it? You never really cared much about what they said.”

The girl leans back into her chair, putting her arms over her head in an unlady like fashion. But really, gender norms never applied to trolls. Nor is the place of the occasion. They get away with almost everything. “So, is it your nagging sisters? Roxy? Rose?”

You continued as you were, dipping another fry into the sundae and taking a bite out of it. “Hmmmm… Could it be John?” She randomly talks out loud. You tense, but continued to eat your fries.

Then, she clasps her hands together, making a somewhat loud noise and bringing your attention back to her. “I know!” She exclaimed confidently, a deadly aspect to her smirk taking shape. “Is it your house companion? Karkat was it?”

You freeze. She laughs.

“You’re too easy Strider. Seriously.” She cackles, picking up her knife and fork back up. “You never tell me much about him, unlike other high profile celebrities who have multiple partners. They always brag about shit like that. Why not you? Especially when you only have one? I would’ve expected you to have more to be really honest, with how egotistical you are.”

“Hey.” You snapped at the ego comment. “I never even wanted one in the first place. I told you the whole story.”

She hummed. “But from what I have heard, sounds like something is brewing.” She stated simply, taking another bite from her meal and popping a fry to go along with it. You frowned at her comment, mildly confused.

“What do you mean ‘something is brewing’? Didn’t I tell you to stop with the vague shit?”

The other’s sly grin simply grew. “Strider, Strider, Strider. I’m a professional on knowing what’s on people’s minds from simply how they talk and what exactly they talk about. I’m not just good at telling whether someone is guilty or not.” She stated.

“So what?” You countered, sighing, uncharacteristically tired for today. In all honesty, thinking about how you felt and how to deal with it has exhausted you. When you said yes, you didn’t think it’d spiral down this badly. But then again, how did you expect friends with benefits to go? Most relationships like that crumble emotionally. It turns from friends, to simply fucking. The friends side of things gets thrown out the window completely.

She giggled, high pitched in a surprisingly threatening way. “God Strider. I thought you were smart. But I guess I’ll have to let you figure this shit out on your own. Watching you squirm and struggle is so much more fun.”

-

Her words keeps ringing in the back of your head when you came home later that evening. It seems that your chest tightens even more when you hear the faint noise of a romcom. You flip the lights at the porch open, running your hands through your hair. “Hey.” You greeted.

His eyes flit to meet yours for a moment, before returning back to the television. “Hey.” He simply greeted back.

“How was your day?” You asked. He shrugs. The lack of a response at all tugs at your very being so much, you almost feel like a kid crying after everybody forgot his birthday. Which, at some point in your childhood, actually did happen.

You moved to the kitchen, pulling out your apple juice and pouring it into a glass. “Did you eat?” You asked again, trying to make some sort of conversation at all. Again, no response, aside from a simple nod.

You bite your lower lip hard when you finished your glass of nightly AJ. “Do you wanna sleep in my bed again?”

For a moment, he looks up at you, studying your expression. Even with your shades, he’s learned to read you like an open book. You didn’t realize that you were holding your breath while he looked at you until he looked away.

He shakes his head.

Defeated, you were about to head back upstairs with your suit coat on one arm while your other worked to undo your tie. Then, you stop on the first few steps, mind racing, a makeshift plan forming inside your head.

You quickly turn to face him again, taking off your shades and pocketing it. He stares at you again, expression blank, and oh it tears at your heart, but you opened your mouth before you lose the courage to.

“So, um, I have this movie premiere coming up. I was wondering if you’d come along.” You manage to get the words out despite your nerves being a wreck after the long day you’ve had. You tried your best for a friendly smile, heart pounding in your chest.

You don’t break your gaze away from him stark deep red eyes, and neither does he. You notice him bite his lip, avert his gaze for a moment, before sighing. Your heart skips at a reaction. Anything is better than the nothing you’ve been getting from him for weeks and weeks at a time. It’s almost summer, 3 months since you made that deal with him about being partners with benefits.

“Sure.”

Your heart calms down, relief washing over your body as you turned back to the stairs, heading back to your bedroom.

This whole situation has been killing you slowly. Like being hanged a centimeter at a time, tippy toes just barely touching the ground. Uncomfortably painful. Killing you slowly. He’s been killing you slowly.

Not anymore.


	9. Hide And Seek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOA LOOK AT THAT. AN UPDATE SO CLOSE AFTER THE OTHER. REJOICE.
> 
> Also, I suggest listening to hide and seek by amber run. I kinda got inspired by it to continue writing this chapter.

“Have you ever watched any of my movies before?” You had casually asked, attempting for some conversation once again. The night of the premier was here and you've brought along your grumpy companion, hoping something would change between the two of you. You're dressed up in a white suit, a golden patterned tie and a rose on your chest pocket. The white suit was Dirk’s idea, the patterned necktie was insisted upon by Roxy, and the blood red rose was, of course, appropriately put on you personally by Rose.

The movie premiere you're going to is one you acted in, as it was your typical dystopian movie that seems to be really popular nowadays. Its adapted from one of Rose’s older books, and she had specifically said that she based the main character off of a combination of middle school Dirk and you, which was embarrassing. Unsurprisingly enough, you got the leading role, and it's been one of the most anticipated movies of the year.

The troll that sat across from you on your limo tensed, keeping his eyes strictly on the window of the car, refusing still to meet your eyes, despite you putting in the effort to keep them off as much as you can around him. “I watched that sbahj movie you directed. It was utter shit.” He commented simply, though the sentence itself lacked real spite. He just seemed like his usual banter self, yet his tensed shoulders broke that illusion of going back to normalcy between the two of you.

He's borrowed one of your suits again, though this time, he opted to not wear a tie or anything of the sort and simply put on a plain black tux and some slacks. “It's a comedy cult classic. Try watching the whole series, you'll appreciate it more with the continuation and it's  rewatch value.”

He groaned, meeting your eyes for a moment, eyebrows knit. “Please, why in the world would I ever subject myself to such torture when I could be wasting my life away on chips and romcoms?” He growled lightly, the counter reminding you of your old back and forth clashing with him. It pulled a small smile out of you, but it was gone as soon as it came when he looked away again, staying as still and quiet as a statue.

He stayed like that the rest of the ride there, simply giving curt replies to your questions once again. So, you stopped trying, feeling a hollow emptiness inside your stomach.

When you do finally reach the premiere, you escorted Karkat away from the many reporters, both human and troll, trying desperately to get a snap of the many other cast members involved in the movie. Your own body guards took care of you as you made your path down the red carpet, waving to the photographers and showing off your winning smile as always. You kept the troll hidden in your arm, trying to block the flashing cameras with your own body as much as you can when you noticed the other flinching at the sudden bright lights. Your heart thumps, as you hadn't been  lose to him at all without impure intentions. It's nice to just be close without any meaning behind the way you held him, except to protect him.

But it doesn't last, as it doesn't take long for both of you to reach the premiere room after speaking a few words to some questions asked of you. Most seemed to be directed towards who you brought with you to walk down the red carpet with, so you tried to only answers the questions that actually pertained to the event being held.

When the two of you are finally inside the cinema, both of you linger beside each other a few more stolen moments before he realizes how close the two of you were and took a step back, taking back the usual distance that occupied the space between the two of you.

He moved to take a seat near the front, while you took some time walking around and greeting your fellow cast mates.

When the movie finally begins, you take up the seat beside him. He stays quiet by your side, still holding that somewhat tense stance and refusing to even acknowledge your existence beside him.

The big screen lights up. The movie starts.

-

The movie began and he takes his spot beside you, like you expected. The blond has been suspiciously acting friendlier towards you, something that bothered you immensely, for the past few days. You noticed his lingering looks on you, his shitty attempts at conversation, his- you shuddered- his attempt to touch you in ways that were so bittersweet to you. Like little touches to your hand, your shoulder, even when the two of you are together, he kisses you when he shouldn't, in places you longed to be kissed, but would never want to be because of the hurt it brings to your chest.

Even tonight, the way he protected you from the cameras, a secure arm around your shoulders… You're disgusting, thinking such thoughts at a time like that.

The movie proceeds, and it slowly dawns on you that this movie has a side of romance. Your stomach twists at the scenes where it was clearly depicted that something was happening between the two protagonists. You feel like you were going to get sick despite knowing that it's all acting and they mean nothing. 

But why does he have to be so good at what he does? To see him with longing eyes like that for someone else.

It feels like a stab to the gut. Karma for what you've offered in a desperate attempt to make him yours and only yours. Seems like all that ever happened was push you further apart from him. You're like bumper cars, the closer you try to get to him, the more you fuck up and crash everything, leading to a pile of broken parts. Leading to break even more of your grip on reality. You're getting desperate, but you know you could end everything if you told him how you truly felt.

The movie proved to be as cliche as the genre its categorized in, but you find yourself flinching at the peak of the movie, where the hinted at romance finally blooms.

Your breath hitches when the female actor touches his face like that, so sensual and loving, it ravages at your insides, and you feel like you're falling into a bottomless pit.

“I've always looked at only you. Can't you see that?” His voice surrounded you in that dimly lit cinema and you found yourself clutching the armrest with an iron grip. You tried to relax and loosen up a bit, but the anxiety eats at the corners of your core, threatening to eat you whole.

You narrowed your eyes at how close they were. The dark haired female seemed so familiar to you, but you can't quite place where you've seen her and those bright piercing emerald eyes.

Then, finally, they closed the distance and you found yourself holding your breath. You can't look away, at the way they pulled and pushed against each other in the kiss, and you'd almost believe that they were lovers if you weren't reminded that you were in a cinema, watching a fictional movie, when the blond beside you brushes his fingers against yours. Such a simple touch sends sparks of electricity through you, you can't help but bite your lower lip.

The moment in the movie finally passes and you finally let go of the breath you were holding when they finally pulled apart. Yet, that realistic expression on his face… So full of love and want. You wish he’s look at you like that too.

Not like how he looks at you now. With those big puppy dog eyes, like you've rejected him. Not when he only feels pity for you. Not when he looks at you only to satisfy each other’s lust.

Not like that.

-

You smiled fondly at each scene in the movie, remembering the times you've recorded them with everyone else, and the small bloopers no one else would know but you and everyone else involved in the movie.

Even at the final kiss scene with Harley, you remember her giggling so much at how cheesy the presentation of love scene was that the two of you had to retake that scene quite a few times. But the first time you acted it out the kiss scene was the one that was picked to be in the final product, because the chemistry was most believable at that time.

You shifted in your seat a little, your heart freezing when your hand accidentally brushes against his. You couldn't help but glance his way, only to find his hand lightly reaching for yours again, whether he realized it or not.

When you turned your attention back to the movie, with your pinkie hooked around his, you can't suppress the smile that rises to your lips.

-

The movie eventually ends and the credits roll as someone steps up on stage, multiple reporters and photographers perking up and getting ready. Speeches were made, most you didn’t really pay much attention to, of course, not until the director calls up his cast and the blond rises from his seat beside you, striding casually to the stage with the others, hands hidden inside his pockets.

The white bearded bald guy introduces his cast, and they all take a bow. Reporters and photographers rush the edge of the stage, snapping photos of the cast and shouting questions over one another while a few other invited parties simply stayed in their seats, chatting idly. He stayed alone in his seat, eyes glued to him, biting his lip at how natural he looked, doing these things.

You never really realized, but he’s absolutely gorgeous. You can’t help the small smile that creeps up your face when you realize the small secret you both keep between the two of you, and only the two of you.

But there’s always that dull, familiar ache in your heart, thinking that’s all you’ll ever have with him.

As you were zoning out in your mind, that’s when you realize who the actress for Strider’s character’s love interest was. It was that kind girl that helped you away from those nosy bitches, the same one who stopped you from drinking so much to forget your anxiety and pass out right in the middle of the party. Jade Harley.

Thinking back on that day, you remember her talking about unrequited love or something, but you were too preoccupied shamelessly drinking your worries away to really listen to her. Which, now that you think about it, considering all she’s done for you, is very fucking rude of you.

But hearing her name and seeing her up there on stage with him finally jogged your memory. She was honestly gorgeous, a complete contrast to the other who shined bright like a sun. The long dark haired girl reminded you more of a sparkling star in the night sky. Especially with the shear dark dress that she wore, fitting her slim figure, with her hair hair up in a simple side updo. She smiled, waving around the crowd around them, looking as natural in the spotlight as Strider. And somehow… The picture perfect way they looked together… Hurts your heart immensely.

You shook your head, trying to take away those awful thoughts your mind tends to make you think. At least, you have him to look forward to for tonight.

Your chest constricts at the thought.

You hadn’t realized it, but tears were lining the corners of your eyes, and you took long shallow breaths, attempting to keep them inside. Conceal, don’t feel. Feelings have fucked you over enough times.

Then, you look back up at the stage, finding that the two of them seemed flustered, standing side by side together. You listened in on what the reporters were saying, and your heart skips a beat yet again. They were asking them to reenact the kiss.

Even the other cast members seemed to be egging them on, teasing and such. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him, but his eyes were focused on her, smiling sheepishly. “I suppose there’s no harm in giving the press what they want.”

“I suppose not.” The exchange made you break out into a cold sweat. But you couldn’t tear your eyes away from him. From them.

Your breath stops, watching them near each other. She closes her eyes while he smiled softly, putting an arm around her waist and slowly bringing her closer. Tears finally spilled, rolling down your cheek, to see them so close. You realize why this hurts so much.

You’re a troll, a mutant at that. The most hated blood caste for whatever reason you cannot understand. He’s human, with his whole life ahead of him, bathing in the adoration of the people. _You wished you were human so you’d stand even a slim chance with him_. Your mind can’t help but race this thought throughout your mind, bombarding you with so many what ifs.

What if you were human? What if you were a girl? Would he like you better? Would you even be able to meet him? Would he hold you just as closely as Jade? Would love you as much as he did with John?

You stand up from your seat, head down, and quickly made your way to one of the exits of the cinema.

-

You kissed her softly, fully aware of all eyes on you. When you pulled away, you laughed gently at the awes and coos of the crowd, as they snapped photographs of the two of you and clapped their hands. But, as you looked over the crowd, you realize something dire; All eyes were on you. Meaning, _he watched you too_. You don’t know why that sends a panic response to your brain, but it just does.

Immediately, you bite her lip, trying to continue smiling and keep the facade while your eyes furiously searched for his figure in one of the seats behind your aviators.

But, he’s nowhere to be found.

“Excuse me, sorry, I have some business to attend to.” You simply leaned over and told the director before making your way to the stairs of the stage without waiting for his approval for you to do so.

All that’s on your mind was him.

You rushed out of the cinema, running around and asking a few patrons and bystanders if they’ve seen him. And sure enough, they saw him walk out of the building, out in the pouring rain. Your heart thumps loudly in your chest, staring out at the streets outside.

Without any second thoughts, you rushed out after him after getting some information from the people around about which direction he went.

You didn’t even care when your siblings had noticed you walk out, calling out your name to come back inside when you rushed out in the terrible weather. You didn’t care when the rain had soaked your hair, didn’t care when you tripped and snapped your shades in two, didn’t care when you began to shiver from how cold it was outside, being wet with a constricting tuxedo on.

All you cared about was finding him.

You shouted his name all over the city, panic and worry growing inside your chest.

Until, finally, you spot a dark figure with nubby little horns disappear into an alleyway. You dashed in the direction the figure went, shouting his name louder than before, energy renewed. He began to run, disappearing into a corner while you picked up your pace, determined to catch him.

You finally catch up to him when he tries to blindly cross an empty road, and you realize that you’ve chased him nearly to the edge of the city at this point. You hold onto his wrist as tightly as you can, even if he fights, trying to shake off your grip.

You grabbed his other hand, gritting your teeth and staring at him while he cried, transparent red tears falling from his tightly closed eyes, trying to turn away from you.

“ _Look at me. Please._ ”

“I don’t fucking want to! Just leave me the fuck already, Dave!” He shouted, sobbing harder under the rain.

“Why not! Please! Just look at me. In the eyes.” You insisted, heart beating in your chest hard. You could even hear it pounding in your ears.

He sobbed harder, finally opening his eyes and meeting yours. And at that moment, you realized what that unreadable expression he always wore was.

It’s pain.

“It’s because I-” He stops short, staring into you with such raw emotion, you couldn’t help but hold his hands tighter around yours. He stopped struggling, simply hiccuping and sobbing, meeting your gaze straight.

In the foggy rain, with tears mixing with the droplets from the sky and you couldn’t tell who’s crying anymore, with his hair sticking to his face and perfectly cropping that pitiful expression on his face, with the heat between the two of you melting away any sign of cold that the weather has previous brought upon you, you couldn’t stop what you did next.

You kissed him, like you’ve never kissed anyone before.

You kissed him like you’ve wanted to for so long.

You kissed him, pulling his body closer against yours.

You kissed him.

-

He kissed you.

He kissed you, holding you against him oh so carefully.

He kissed you like you’ve always him wanted to.

He kissed unlike anyway he’s kissed you before.

And you feel like dying once again.

But you feel more alive than ever before.

That same thrill from before.

When something catches your eyes from behind your closed eyelids. You immediately regret what you just thought.

You are going to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the cliffhanger btw :')
> 
> We're still friends though, right??


	10. It Comes In Flashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry shorter chapter guys. Things will get heated soon though~

_It comes in flashes._

_The memory of a split second comes in split seconds._

_You kissed him._

_He pushed you away._

_And then he got hit._

_Just 3 seconds._

_You didn't know 3 seconds could change your life so drastically in so many ways._

-

Everything comes in flashes to you, as you held your head firmly between both hands, eyes glued to the porcelain tile floor of the ER.

The pouring rain.

The sound of water on cold cement.

The feeling of him against you.

The sound of a car honking.

The abrupt feeling of falling on your bum, eyes  losing for a split second, only to him getting hit.

The sound of the car screeching to a halt and swerving to a nearby lamp post in an attempt to stop under the slippery condition of the road.

The sound of a car door being opened and shut.

The sound of hurried footsteps.

But none of them mattered as your eyes hyper focused on his small body lying on the cold wet hard floor. Blood was running down its dark, jagged surface, the source coming from his head.

The sound of police and ambulance sirens.

The loud commotion of people shouting.

“ ** _Don't you fucking dare touch him._ ** ” You remember vividly, your own voice. So wrought with agony you were surprised by it as much as everyone else.

You remember struggling, before being cuffed to keep you tamed, and thrown into one of the police cars as it followed the ambulance to the nearby hospital.

And now, you're here.

And it all comes in flashes.

-

He was completely distanced away from reality, and you suppose, that's what scared you the most. He's never been like this, the only exception being the last time they were in an ER. When your parents had gotten into their own car accident and you and Dave had only been 15 and 16 respectively. 

Roxy and Dirk had taken the both of you in at the time, already being proper adults when it all happened. You remember how he sat in the same exact spot, eyes empty and body completely still. He was soaked in rain water too, having run out of his 6th period class when he received the message from Roxy who was with them and survived with only minor injuries.

He ran all the way from his school to the hospital, a mile away. You didn't get there as fast, opting to finish your current class first before taking a cab there. You had walked in with Dirk at the same time, only to find your dearest brother, slumped over just beside the ER room, tears running down his face, yet kept a blank expression.

He's never been one to show off any emotion, even as a child, having been taught by our parents who lived under the limelight themselves. Your mother was kinder, but your father had been especially strict to his boys.

And now, here he is again, much in the same position, and your heart aches to see him like this. You all kept your distance, fully aware that none of you could ever help until Dave decides himself that he wants to be helped.

Roxy was off to the side, playing with her hair anxiously, while Dirk sat beside him quietly, having taken off his own shades and kept the other company. You, on the other hand, sat opposite of him in the hallway just outside the operating room, your own eyes glued to the floor, anxiously glancing his way every now and then. Nothing changed no matter.

After a few hours of waiting, approximately 3 hours of him being on the operating table, you finally stood up and signaled your other siblings to have move so you could have a small bit of time to chat with your blond haired brother. Roxy nodded and took Dirk my the hand, looking back at you once and giving you a nod before reluctantly leaving his side to check out the cafeteria with Roxy. You sighed, standing up to take Dirk’s place beside him.

You simply sat there, letting the silence marinate between the two of you before he finally spoke up, voice so soft, so broken. It made you bite your lower lip at the way the emotion of pity spread throughout your chest.

“I kissed him.”

You would've joked and said something smug or sly like you usually do, but you know this is not the time. So, instead, you simply replied with a quiet, “oh?”

Of course, you expected them to kiss. But you have a feeling there's  a different meaning behind all of this, and it honestly makes you nervous.

“Rose… what do I do?” He muttered, voice sounding completely lost, your heart sinks to the soles of your shoes. For once, you don't have a good answer either. No amount of advice is going to help his chances of surviving, nor is it ever going to help Dave. So, you sit tight in your seat, lips sealed.

“I think…” He started up again after a little while. He raised his head from the floor and looked over to you, and you could clearly see the tears running down his face. “I think I’m in love with him.” He finished, and what you dreaded to hear finally came. Still, you'll support your brother through anything, no matter how stupid it might be.

But you had to be sure. He had to be sure.

“What makes you say that?” You inquired simply, leaning closer to him and putting your arms around him. He lets out a wretched sob, leaning into your touch. You never intended to, but to an extent, you had become his mother figure.

“I… I…” He heaved, and you shush him, attempting to quell the pain rising in him. “I don't know how to explain it. My chest hurts when I think about him. Worse than when with John.”

You bite your lip. “Talk to me about it.” at least, the best you can do is distract his mind from the critical level the troll is in.

He sighed exasperatedly, running his fingers through his hair for the umpteenth time. “How… How do I say it? We’ve been living together for almost half a year now and… The things we did and the things we experienced…” He smiled somewhat bitter sweetly. “I didn't know what to think at first but… I'm really glad we met. I'm really glad.” He muttered, and you pet his hair when he starts to tear up again, burying his face into his hands.

You pat his back, and to your surprise, he continues talking. “I like the way he smiles.” He murmurs under his breath. “When we have back and forth banter… Getting to know him… Hearing him laugh…” He laughs bitter sweetly. “That stupid little pout he does when he's frustrated with something, or about to go on a rant about politics of whatever comes into his mind without being promoted…”

He turns to you, and for the first time, you see his eyes, bloodshot from crying, with tears still spilling. “It’s all my fault.” He croaked. “It hurts. So much, Rose. It hurts so much.”

You can't help but close your eyes as you embraced your practically twin brother, an ache inside your own chest at seeing him in this much agony.

-

You have no idea how much time had passed exactly, but the doctors finally came out to give you a brief rundown on his current state. Relief washes over you at the fact that he's survived, simply in a heavy anesthetic sleep in the current moment.

You're allowed to visit him inside, and your heart races to see him lying there with his eyes closed, looking so peaceful. His head was wrapped in bandages and he had a neck brace attached around his neck, a long with a few other casts around his body. Your heart skips a beat and you're almost afraid to approach.

But your older brother punches you on the shoulder hard, smiling faintly by your side. Dirk convinced your two other sisters to go home respectively, promising to take the shift of looking after you tonight. You would've argued on how you're a grown adult now, and that you can handle yourself, but in all honesty, the company is well appreciated.

“Go get ‘em. I'll wait for you outside.” He mutters, about to leave when you instinctively tugged on the sleeves of his Polo shirt. Like a little kid when you didn't want to be left alone while your parents were constantly out in whatever event they were out in.

He smiled softly, bright yellowish orange eyes looking down on you gently. He was still taller than you by an inch. He messes with your hair before pushing you towards the direction of the bed, moving to hide his hands in his pockets. You looked back at him once before sighing and pulling a seat up next to the troll.

You simply stayed like that the rest of the night, your elder brother, watching over you by the entrance.

 


	11. Finally

The first thing that your eyes notice is the bright lights.

The second thing you notice is that your body is aching. Not in the way you remember, but more of a dull hurting than anything else. Like you’ve just run a mile, took a whole day’s worth of sleeping, and woke up with your whole body sore.

The third feeling that you take note of is the warm touch on your forehead. Slowly opening your eyes, all you see is a brilliant shade of red, taking a few moments to realize that you’re staring into his eyes. You blinked a few more times to make sure that you’re not dreaming. Because he’s finally looking at you with soft, kind eyes. His face was gentle, a small smile on his face, one you’ve never seen before, and it tugs at your heartstrings. You lose your breath at the sight of him. He looks so heavenly, you almost believe that you did die and go into a paradise of your deepest desires.

Except, you know you’re never going to heaven so this must be reality, because hell can’t be this good.

“What… Was that for…?” You muttered, finding your whole body, even your face, to be very heavy. Like you could fall asleep again, despite having just woken up. He grinned, and your heart makes that familiar aching tug in your chest. But something feels different now.

“Well, sorry, mister grumpy pants. I’ll kiss you properly next time.” He flirted casually, which makes your eyebrows raise in suspicion. You stare at him long and hard before he averts his gaze, moving to sit back into his seat and play with the plastic spoon beside the pudding you assume is supposed to be yours.

Something’s off about him, but for once, you don't feel particularly worried about it. You cleared your throat, catching his attention. Then, that's when you see it in his expression. That tense pursed way he keeps his lips a straight line, the way he's arching his eyebrows uncomfortably, the way his eye twitches, Always moving to meet yours, as if eager. “How long was I out?” You murmured.

His shift in his seat confirmed it. You've been out for a while longer than you felt like. “Just a week.” He muttered in return. You sighed, moving your head only to be faced with a stinging pain in your neck, around where the brace was still attached. Okay, bad idea to move at all. Never going to do that again.

You laughed bitterly. “That long huh?” You whispered under your breath. “Don't tell me you stayed by my bedside that long, mr. Popular.”

His silence prompted you to look over at him again, and you're shocked to your very core to see him smiling at you, tears freely falling from his eyes. Your heart shakes and you bite your lip, feeling bad for the cynical tone you had put that on. You didn't expect him to actually do that. You know how busy he can get and you never thought you were worth much for him to sacrifice all of his years of hard work just to be beside you when you wake up-

“I wanted to be here when you open your eyes, Karks. I wanted to properly tell you something I should've when I realized it.” He muttered, voice a different tone from what you're used to. It makes your heart skip a beat as you stared into those beautiful ruby pools of his eyes.

It takes you a moment to realize that he’s even holding your hand, warm against your skin. That warmth you've craved for so long.

The words that slipped from his lips are lost to you as the only thing left when he leaned in to kiss you oh so very softly on the lips was the ringing in your ears and the pounding of your heart.

You feel good.

-

“Shut the fuck up already.”

“I'm not even saying anything.” His laugh always makes your chest hurt. In a good way.

You've finally been discharged after spending almost 2 months in that shitty hospital. You're still unsure what's this thing is between you and Strider, but… It feels nice. He's tried his best to be with you as long as his schedule allows him during your time recovering, bedridden in the hospital. He even sneaked you fast food when you had complained about how tasteless their skinless chicken was.

He's been far more affectionate and caring ever since, and it makes your heart beat faster than ever before.

“That expression of yours is clearly saying something. So stop it.” You snapped back at him as he leads you from the car, walking up to his porch and unlocking the door. He chuckles once more and that smile of his makes your insides twist in a very pleasant way. You've seen almost every side of him, you can't help but be curious of what look he'd make if the two of you got together before the whole ordeal with the car and that movie premiere.

When you caught yourself fantasizing about him in that way, you immediately flush and look away when he looks back at you. “So, how do you feel? How’s your head?” He inquired, using that same soft tone he always does when he asks you a question. Always so gentle, even in the way he talked to you. It's like he's afraid he’ll break you. You'll tell him that that's not going to happen very easily, even though your gut is telling you that he's precisely the most capable of doing that to you. Purely because you care too much for him.

You stepped into the dimly lit home, sighing and taking off your jacket. “My head is fine, Dave. Trolls are built to handle worse shit. The doctor only kept me trapped in that shitty, mind numbing room to make sure I _really_ am okay. I could've been released half the amount of time I stayed there.” Half a lie. Yes, trolls are built to sustain much more damage than humans do, but that highly depends on blood caste. Truthfully, from what the doctor had said, you're pretty much as fragile as a human due to your blood. You even have have a similar lifespan as a human. You guess that's why the condesce didn't like mutants. They weren't true trolls. Almost like a half breed gene that mutates and somehow makes them more human like? Who knows.

Rose had made sure to tell the doctor that his real situation was to kept on the down low around Strider. She even personally told you this, and you certainly agree. The blond can worry up a storm. Especially with this seemingly new relationship the two of you have formed.

“Okay, I hear ya, Karks. I was just making sure.” The blond tells you, closing the door behind him and locking it, per usual.

The two of you head upstairs to his bedroom, this realization making you blush a light shade of red. Good thing he can't see you in the darkness of the room. But he still somehow sensed your discomfort. “Do you want to sleep here, or do you want to go into a different bedroom?”

With a scoff, you manage to say the next words with confidence and arrogance. “Course. We've been sleeping together for awhile now, what's the difference this time?” Of course, you immediately regret saying that when you see his face in the dim lighting of the moon from the window.

He wears this devilish smile you haven't seen before. One that genuinely makes you nervous. “Do you wanna sleep together again?” You gulp at that proposition.

“Yeah, I do.” You answered, not thinking much about it before your said it.

He takes a step towards you, face barely a breath away from you. Your heart skips, the atmosphere much different from the previous ones when the two of you stood this close to each other. “Are you sure?”

There he goes again, asking you. Always asking for your confirmation. It makes your heart melt.

You leaned up and pressed your lips softly against his. And before you know it, a perfectly innocent kiss turns into a sinful, heated one, as he puts his hands all over you. The way your bodies flow against each other, so perfectly in rhythm, makes your stomach twist in excitement.

His touch on you was sensual, always so soft and gentle despite his tongue ravishing your mouth, exploring each and every corner, in a not so very gentle manner. In all honesty, you like it when he's rough and loving to you at the same time.

He only pulls away to take a breath, and to pull his shirt over and off of him. You bite your lip, shivering when he helps you take off your own clothes, fingers grazing your grubscars. You almost moan at such a simple touch but you hold yourself back. He gets you so riled up so easily, it's frustrating.

The heat between the two of you is starting to become unbearable, and you sighed when he finally pushes you down on the bed, it's cool sheets a relief to your steadily burning up body. But it doesn't stay for very long because soon, he's on top of you, kissing you almost desperately, warm hands getting lost in your hair.

Each and every movement is calculated, his hand circling just outside the base of your horns, the lack and anticipation of stimulation enough to make you whine and squeak in between kisses, when he does eventually let you breathe.

By this point, you could feel the bump poking you from between his legs and you can't help but wrap a leg around him, and lightly grinded against him just to tease. The foreplay was killing you and you need more stimulation, your bulge twisting inside the fabric of your boxers, almost _begging_ to be touched.

You hear him groan quietly, moving from your lips to licky and suck just under your ears, all the way across your jawline, and down to your collarbone. Your eyes widen and you gasp softly when he slips a hand down between your pants and boxers, tangling his fingers with your eager bulge.

“Let me hear it.” He murmurs in your ear, hot breath sending shivers down your spine.

“Fuck you.” Your murmured. He squeezes your bulge around the base, making you squeak and mewl involuntarily.

He chuckles, licking the outside of your ear and making you turn away in embarrassment. “We’ll get there soon enough, just say it out loud. For me. Say I love you.”

Those 3 words shake you, making your whole body tremble underneath him. He chuckles, clearly noticing your reaction and presses against the underside of your bulge, your clear weak spot. “A-Ahgnn…” You whimpered, your bulge wrapping around his wrist of its own volition, making your fingers that’s tangled around his hair twitch.

“I've said it before. I want to hear you say it back. Say what you were going to say when we stood in that back road.” He continued to murmur into your ear, lips moving to your horns and giving the base a teasing lick. You cursed an array of colorful words, tears stinging the corners of your eyes.

“D-Dave- _nnng-ahh…”_ He lightly squeezes the base of your bulge, sending a chill down your body, feeling like electricity just passed through you. “ _I-I-I- l-l-lo-vee- you- fuck, pleasestriderjustfuckingputitinmealready._ ” You sound so helpless and needy but you couldn't careless. For once, you want him to just fuck your nook already until you can't walk.

The blond untangles his fingers from your bulge. He hurriedly takes off your remaining clothes, biting his lower lip hard. Looks like you're not the only one eager to get this show moving already.

You avert your gaze when he finally undoes his pants and pulls his boxers down. For some reason, you feel very embarrassed, although it's not your first time seeing humans down there, the fact that it's him… It makes your heart skip and your face to burn with a deep blush.

You mewl when you feel him prod and touch you down there. He's got a hand on the inside of one of your thighs, to keep you steady, caressing you so softly and gently, as if to make sure you're alright with all of this.

“You sure you want to do this?” He purred, voice taking on a raspy aspect that makes your chest tighten. You nod vigorously, dull claws digging into his soft skin. When he does finally push in. Your eyes widen and dilate at how painfully good it felt all at the same time.

Your muscles tensed all over, burying your face into the crook of his neck, whining and whimpering helplessly into his warm skin. He's only got the tip in and you can't imagine how good it'll feel when he slides all the way in you. Everything was so scorching hot, especially where the two of you connected.

When he started to push forward, you couldn't help but moan, unable to control your volume anymore. He's got his arms around your body almost protectively, kissing and licking your neck ever so softly. You've never felt anything so good in your life before.

You were shy to admit it, but he was impressively gifted in all aspects. Perhaps all that previous training helped him be much more comfortable with you when it came to between the sheets.

Just when you thought things couldn't get any better, he picks up his pace for you and you feel yourself arching your back, as if attempting to aid him in digging deeper into you. He growled near your ear, making you roll your hips in desperation. You were so close to the edge, with the way he was stirring up your insides in the most pleasant way you've never felt before.

You can tell, he's nearing his own edge, with the way his arms around you tightened, shifting a hand to lift your hips just a few inches off the bed to get a better angle when he thrusted into you. You've got your eyes shut tightly, gripping the sheets and practically screeching his name, the slick noises of when he pushed in and out finally sending you over the edge.

With a whimpered coo, you tightened all around his member, genetic material spilling from your nook and bulge, forever staining the sheets. You gasp softly when he finally spills as well, climaxing while still stuck inside you. It sent deep shudders through you to the feeling of being filled up like so.

He collapses on the bed beside you after pulling out, panting hard. You're worse for wear, eyes unable to focus, riding out the last few remnants of your high, legs trembling lightly. Then, you turn to face him, eyes half lidded as you stared into his.

Everything hurts. But not your heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah. Some proper smut, finally. There's more kinky shit about to come your way as a token of my appreciation for you guys sticking by me as I progressed this story :")
> 
> I just love writing smut man. I hope ya'll enjoyed this chapter.


	12. Do I Have Your Attention Now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been 3 months and you probably thought this was dead, wasn't it?! 
> 
> HA! 
> 
> Have your long update. Sorry for the long hiatus. ;-;

Soft expression, with that slightly furrowed bushy eyebrows you've come to love,- gentle curving of his mouth into a frown, fragrant messy, wiry, jet black hair, his little nubby horns barely poking out from the mass of dark curls. Small lithe body, it's a wonder how he can take so much being so small. With slender fingers, you run your hand down his lanky arms, down to his slightly chubbier form. It's to your relief that he's finally gaining a little more weight compared to when you first saw him without clothes on. He had been quite thin at the time, eating mostly junk food. Of course, that routine still persists, although your attempts to join him for every meal has helped him into a better diet.“Hnnggah- ah-ha-ah- _fuck_ ! _Hurry the fuck up,- ah!_ ” Became everyday noises heard coming from the most famous and multi-talented person’s bedroom.

“Shush, it's the middle noon,- staff is cleaning around upstairs.”

“I-It's not my fault- ah-! _You_ got me horny! Mmgh- **_harder Strider._ ** ”

He's got you pinned up against the wall of his bedroom door, his shirt wrapped around your eyes to keep you blinded. The two of you had just woken up from a long sleep after another round just last night, but it seems the fucker couldn't keep his hands, or mouth, off of you.

It just started with plain, harmless kissing, some light touches and mildly inappropriate flirting chocked full of innuendos, but before you knew it, he's got your writhing bulge up to the hilt in his mouth. And gog, the expression he makes kills you because he looked like he couldn't be more than happier than right that moment.

This has sort of become your unspoken routine ever since the first time the two of you become one- The thought still brings happy butterflies to your stomach. Because for once, it wasn't just mindless sex. The two of you made love to each other, something you couldn't say for your previous encounters. And now, you make love everyday, and your heart almost always feels like its about to burst when he holds you oh so gently in his arms.

Although he was the one who put the two of you in a vulnerable spot, literally pinning you face first just right in front of his bedroom door, he's bitching about how you need to keep quiet. But you honestly couldn't care less, you wanted those maids that had looked at Strider to hear your noises so full of ecstasy. It's stupid, but you still feel the need to totally possess the other, keeping him all to yourself. But you know that with his line of work, and your status as a service partner, would never let the two of you be together like real lovers except in the privacy of your now shared sleeping quarters.

Like previously mentioned, he had blindfolded you with his shirt, so you gasp softly when you feel his hands creep up your face and shut your mouth. He’s all the way up to his hilt in you, but the fact that he's purposefully punishing you by going slow for being too loud just makes you bitterly hate him sometimes. “I told you to shush it.” He purrs into your ears, sending a shiver down your spine and making your nook clench around him. You smirk slyly when he groaned appreciatively at that.

“ _Fucking make me, Strider_ ~” You cooed, voice muffled lightly with his hand around your mouth. When he shifts to push in deeper into you, you know he's desperate to get started just as much as you are. You found out early on that your blond matesprit likes it when you talk real dirty.

He groaned quietly, his hot breaths running down your neck and giving you goosebumps. His other hand wrapped around the base of your bulge tightens, and you couldn't help the helpless whimpering that escapes your lips. “Is that a challenge?” He mutters real low, voice having that gravely tone that makes your heart clench.

“Fuck yeah- I'm gonna keep moaning and screaming your name if you don't shut my dirty little mouth and- _mmgff!_ -” He cuts off your sentence when he shoves his fingers into your mouth, twirling a finger around with your tongue. You groaned, wiggling your butt, feeling desperate for some sort of friction now. Yet, you're loving every moment of this, the feeling of being filled up in both ends of your body, making you tremble and shake against him.

He finally starts moving, much to your joy, pulling almost all the way out from your lips, only to ram it back it and make you whimper and squeal when he does. You couldn't help but drool, all of your muscles tensing up every time he entered you again, encouraged by the wet, slick noises you made when flesh hits flesh.

You could feel genetic material running down the inside of your thighs, and everything feels so scorching hot, heightened by the fact that you're blindfolded. All you could feel is the heat inside you that curls and unfurls at every small movement, his length pulsing softly inside you and making your brain short circuit.

You both fall into a steady rhythm, rolling your hips against his, while he steadily increases his speed, making you moan into his fingers.

Everyday. This is has become your everyday.

-

Burying your face into his hair, you take in his scent. In these few weeks, you've come to love the way he smells, a bittersweet hint at the edges of your senses. Especially after an extensive ‘exercise’. You can't help the soft laugher that escapes your lips, promptly almost waking up your partner. His fingers, interlaced with yours, slightly twitches, eyes fluttering open and close, before groaning and moving to hide under the blankets. You think you heard him call you a ‘stupid fucker’ in between incoherent mumbling. That still hasn't changed, by the way.

You prop yourself up on one elbow, watching his small sleeping form curl into a tight ball in the sheets, a quiet purring emanating from the troll. He's still the same rude red blood you fell so hard for.

The recent days have been magical for you, in ways you didn't expect. You've always known you had it all. Growing up in the environment you did, you couldn't really separate luxury from commodity precisely because anything you ever wanted was handed to you on a silver platter by everyone around you. Stranger yet was your phase of starving yourself and isolating yourself during middle and early high-school because of this fact. But being with Karkat, as clichéd as this all sounded, made you realize that you'd gladly throw everything away for him.

Just watching him… It brings a warm feeling to your chest, an indescribable fondness and utter feeling of the familiarity of home… You can't help but wrap him up in another tight hug, giggling to yourself like a schoolgirl. You just feel so _full_ being beside him.

He finally stirs awake at more of your sudden assault of pure affection. He groaned and moaned quietly, shifting in your arms and slowly opening his eyes to meet your eager gaze. You see a hint of a pout in his expression at having been fully woken up, but it doesn’t last for long when you grin almost ear to ear at finally getting to see his dark irises, much similar to yours. You never really thought you could love someone so dearly, especially for someone who’s completely different from you- even in species. “Mornin’ sunshine.” You purred quietly, running your fingers through his hair with the arm that he’s now using as a substitute pillow.

The dark haired troll giggled quietly, the soft rumbling of his chest felt against yours. He softly wraps himself around you, practically interlacing your bodies together. “You’re a fuckass, you know that, right?” He purred, voice still heavy with sleep. You kinda feel guilty at having woken him up now, but you just can’t help yourself. You can’t keep your hands off of him. Correction, you can’t keep any part of you off of him.

Mostly because of the fact that you’ve got duties to attend to today. Unlike the past few days where you’ve put of everything to spend some time with him, all of your work has now piled up and is needing some immediate attention. Meaning you’ll have to leave him alone the house for a while. The thought brings out a defeated sigh in you, making him raise an eyebrow at you, immediately noticing the change in your attitude. God, have the two of you been together for long that the two of you are almost completely in tune with each other? It brings a warm fuzzy feeling that you’re not really able to describe well.

“’m fine.” You tried to reassure him, reaching a hand to idly caress his soft cheeks. “Just have work to do today, and as much as I want to stay with you like this for another hour, I gotta get up soon.” You explained with yet another sigh. You’re not ready to deal with Rose’s sarcasm, as she’s supposed to be driving you around today because Roxy is too incapacitated after yet another night of drinking out in her favorite club.

Your boyfriend bristles at that, tensing up for a moment before sighing and nodding. “I understand. Just… It’s gonna feel different without you around the house and all. Guess I’ve let myself get too comfortable.” He smiled sheepishly at you, moving to sit you and slip out of bed. Thank god he took the initiative because you probably wouldn’t have gotten up for another 10 minutes if he hadn’t.

You rise from your own comfortable position on the bed, stretching your arms lightly and groaning. He goes around the room, picking up strewn about clothes from last night’s endeavours. You smile fondly at his movements. Even something so simple can get your heart a flutter. What the fuck Strider? Were you always this clingy and a sappy sap? Or did the amounts of romcoms you watched with Karkat that always ‘mysteriously’ turns into a make-out session and eventually sex, finally got to your head? You find you don’t actually give a shit.

“You should try and walk around too instead of just confining yourself to the house. I’ll let the staff know you’re to roam wherever you like.” You tell him as you finally slipped out of bed, making a beeline for your closet to dress up for a recording session. That was the first task on your list of things to do.

He seemed to perk up at that, and when you look at him, you can see curiosity in his eyes despite what falls from his mouth. “Nah. I think I’ll just stay home, warm and cozy with my romcoms.”

The sentence brings a smirk to your lips. “I’ll get the chauffeur to drive you anywhere you want. You have the freedom to do anything you want from now on. Remember that.” You continued to insist, looking at him in the eye seriously when you say the last part. He’s been given a boxed set of freedom before, as he could do whatever he liked because his previous ‘owners’ hadn’t really cared much about what he does or much about him at all, but he was still usually confined to the spaces around the home, never being brought much out into the light. You want to give him what he’s never had before. Something so necessary and simple to be happy. And that’s always been your goal. To make the other happy. That was enough for you.

He paused, and you could just see the gears turning in his head in his blank like expression as he stared at the carpeted floor.Then, with a slow nod, he has come to a decision. “Alright.”

You smile at him, crossing the room and kissing him softly on the lips. A peck. He looked up at you, a blush creeping up along his ears and grinning, showing his row of dulled down teeth.

-

It was just noon and he had already gotten bored of the same romcoms he’d been watching for months in the same damn couch. You bite your lip, shifting to stand up and take a peak out of the thick, darkened curtain that prevented the sun from creeping in. Outside was bright and you contemplated about what he had told you before leaving you alone with the rest of the cleaning staff. With a sigh, after a few minutes of deliberating, you finally come to a conclusion. You would like to see the outside world. See what other normal trolls and humans do on their utterly ordinary life. People watching might be interesting compared to what you’ve observed at the parties Strider has brought you to.

But the sunlight’s going to be a problem. You’re so accustomed to darkness, the sun might as well burn your eyes out the first time you take a step outside. As you rushed around, borrowing the blonde’s old, ill fitting clothes, you sneak into his drawer of various expensive shades and pick the one you think is worth the most money. Payback for him waking you up when you wanted to continue to sleep.

With a dark hoodie over your head, dark washed jeans, and some expensive shades, you look at yourself in the mirror and mutter quietly, “I definitely look like a prick. Good, no one should approach me if I look and act shady enough.” You don’t really want to interact with anyone. You just perhaps planned to get a smoothie or something, sit down outside those corner cafes you’ve passed by while riding in the car with Dave, and people watch. And silently judge them.

You finally stroll outside and grit your teeth at the bright sunlight. But still, you stick to your resolve and cautiously approach the chauffeur, using a cloth to shine down one of the expensive cars in the garage. You open your mouth to say something, but it seems he beat you to it. “Want to go somewhere, sir Vantas?”

You bite your lip and slowly nod. “One moment.” He said as he moved around to get rid of a cloth, dumping it in a bucket of water at the edge of the garage door before one of the backseat doors and motioning for you to enter. You do. He then proceeded to go around the car to go to the driver’s seat. “What destination, sir Vantas?”

While fidgeting with the shaders you had taken off upon entering the car, you mumble quietly. “Karkat’s fine. And, uh, the city square I guess? Somewhere populated, I was just thinkin’ of people watching, nothing else.” The old gentleman, who seemed to be around his late 40s to 50s, smiled kindly at you before starting the engine. He passes by the gates, informing the guards that they were simply going out for a spin and that they had Dave’s permission to do so.

Before long, the chauffeur stops at a bustling four way, letting you get off at a street corner while he tells you to call him when your ready to get picked up. He hands you an old timey flip phone, and you smile at the old man gratefully, nodding. After walking for a while, window shopping and trying to deny your sheer amusement at everything you saw, you finally came across the same corner cafe you’ve seen before. With glittering eyes, you try not to outright run to it, before finally realizing as you stepped inside the chilly establishment that you you’re pretty much broke at the moment. With a defeated sigh, you decide to go outside and simply sit alone in the of the couple outdoor tables with a fancy little umbrella over top.

You idly watched the people around you, some bustling about with phones between their ear and shoulder blade, holding coffee cups and other various miscellaneous items, others simplingly taking their time, going in and out of shops, or a few business like people walking with a purpose. It was fairly boring, aside from the few oddities, like beggars around the streets, random skaters, couples who seem to can’t hold themselves back, making-out as they walked along briskly along the path, along with a few others. You were debating standing up and taking another look around some of the strip of shops at down the street.

When a business like attired woman suddenly sits across from you, smiling sweetly. But something told you that that smile of hers meant she had a darker purpose for her approaching you. Today of all days, when you first decided to go out.

She weaved her fingers on top of the table, leaning in slightly. “You’re Karkat Vantas, right? A Service to the famous Dave Strider?” She inquired, and you’re taken back a bit by her sudden straight forwardness. You bite your lip, anxiety levels shooting up and try to hide your fidgeting hands in the pockets of the hoodie you wore. You’re uncomfortable being called a ‘Service’ as if someone’s plaything.

Your own thought process surprises you. For once, you actually feel like a normal, human being, and you actually feel entitled to your own body and what happens with it. Even though being someone’s property and that you’re supposed to be worthless aside from that was what you were taught since you were young, and what you were reminded of every day of your existence before… Your mind immediately darts to Strider… Your heart is a flutter.

But that was immediately broken when the nameless female clears her throat, catching your attention once more. You took a shaky breath before speaking. “Yeah, that’s me… Why…?” You questioned cautiously, attempting to keep your voice even and articulate, trying to hide the spike of fear in you when she smiled wider.

“That’s great! I wasn’t sure if it was really you from afar but when I got closer, I couldn't help but approach. I can’t pass up an interview with you to get to know Mr. Strider more… Intimately.” She said, voice light, but something about her tone told you that there was more to it than just that. You've gotten assaulted by girls at a party before when they wanted to know your matesprit more ‘intimately’.

You bite your lip, dreading the question, but needing to know. “What do you want to know about him…?”

She suddenly turned around to grab her glossy black designer bag from the side of the table. You hadn’t even noticed it until now. The still nameless female pulls out a manila colored folder and sets in on the table, perfectly in the middle. You purse your lip as you look up at her questioningly, raising an eyebrow. When you didn’t move to take it, grinned and pushed it towards you. “Go ahead. Open it. Then we can talk.”

You carefully take the folder, finding it cold to the touch. Carefully, you opened the flap, your heart jumping to your throat the contents of it. She grinned wider, something akin to a shark. Your mouth goes dry. “Do I have your attention now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops. Cliffhanger. Let's hope Elle doesn't leave us for another 3 months with this cliffhanger!
> 
> I hope so too. ;-;


	13. Do You Trust Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REJOICE ELLE WASN'T A PIECE OF PROCRASTINATING SHIT THIS TIME AND ACTUALLY POSTED AN UPDATE WITHOUT TAKING A FUCKING MONTH TO DO IT.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it ;w;

As soon as you slipped into the car that morning, Rose was already leveling you a curious glance. She was all prim and proper, wearing a black pencil skirt paired with a violet long sleeves with a white button up shirt underneath. Her outfit for this outing seemed suspicious to you.

And your suspicions, were, in fact, correct.

“So, Dave, how is Karkat doing? Well and properly cared for?” She inquired casually enough as the driver began to move your car to its destination. The place you’ll be going to is a recording studio to record your new songs, with an album that needed to be released before the her Imperial Condescension arrives. The annual visitation event is creeping up closer and closer than you realized. But then again, you’ve stopped caring about what it was as soon as you graduated high school.

You simply scrunched up your nose at your sister and turned away to look out the tinted window. Which looked even darker to you due to your dark tinted shades. “What’s it to you?” You answered with another question, smiling slightly to yourself at the sigh she released. You liked teasing your sister with behavior she despised. Such as replying to a question with another.

“I’m simply asking because I curious and I care. Is it wrong of me to ask about your companion’s health after the car incident? Especially when my _dearest_ , _most beloved brother,_ is in fact, in love with him.” She stated in a matter-of-factly tone that _you_ despised. She made herself sound like she was always correct, something that intimidated many. Her sense of authority was compelling. But to you, it was an irksome bother.

You sighed and finally decide to answer her properly. “He’s doing fine. He’s basically back to normal around the house.” You replied properly this time, before smirking. “Well, mostly normal… I may or may not interrupt his daily schedule in the time I’ve spent staying home.” You had added, looking over to watch your sister’s cheeks flush a light hue of pink. God, your whole family is so pale, and Rose especially. She doesn’t  go out as much as the others and prefers to stay in, writing her books.

“Details I do not need to know, David.” She huffed once again, adjusting her skirt in the car. “But there’s a more important matter to discuss. I’m assuming that while you were ‘interrupting his daily schedule’, you haven’t been paying attention to the news?”

Now you perk up at that.

You rarely pay attention to the news and gossip about you since Roxy tends to manage all of your outer appearances and how you’re perceived by the whole nation. And you have to admit, she’s been very skillful with the way she’s managed to shoot you up the ranks through the years with how she managed your image and reputation.

Rose continued to speak, the expression of your face must’ve told her all that she needed to know to answer the previous question. “Well, there’s a popular rumor going around since the time you’ve been gone and it’s causing some… Interesting dilemma on our part.”

You sighed. “Out with it, Lalonde. I don’t need you adding your ‘flavor text’ to bad news.”

She effectively ignores you and continued to talk while she pulled out her laptop from her bag. “There has been whispers about what happened during your premiere interviews after your latest movie debuted. Remember your impulsive snap decision to get off the stage and desert your fellow cast members to deal with the press asking questions about the star of the show running off?”

Properly piqued now, you scoot over to her side of the car to look at her computer as she silently typed away. “Well, of course it was a big deal. Everyone was wondering where and why you had run off in the first place, and you know how hollywood likes to gossip. Well, within a span of 24 hours, a popular theory began to emerge out of all the many articles written about it.” She continued to explain as she pulled up an online article that read ‘Mystery Reason Famous Dave Strider Ran Out Of Movie Premiere!’

Rose hands you the laptop to scroll through the site as while she continued to talk, looking over your shoulder now. “Apparently, someone from the crowd saw Karkat run out of the cinema when interviewed by this particular freelance writer. And the whole thing suggests you had run after him for various reasons. It goes down the list of top 5 reasons why you would suddenly go off after a _Service._ ” She said, putting an emphasis on the word service.

This makes your eyebrows crease together into an unpleasant frown for a long while as you skimmed the article. Still, Rose continued to talk, apparently not done just yet. “There’s two really popular theories that involves Karkat and there’s many more various articles imitating the original, but they’re stating it more as facts instead of speculation.”

She quickly takes the laptop from you momentarily before betting it back on your lap to scroll through. “First is speculation that your Service might’ve seen this as sort of chance to escape while everyone else was occupied, specially you since you did not bother to put security to him like most others with a Service would when taking them out in public.” She summarized what was in the article. Your chest was beginning to tighten and you can’t help but grit your teeth behind your pursed lips. This article was full of bullshit and you hated how they purposefully used the nouns _it_ , as if he was an object.

Again, Rose picked up the laptop to show you one last article. She cleared her throat. “The other theory that’s causing heated discussions in multiple forums is that… Well, that you’re having an affair with your Service.”

-

You take in a shaky breath as you stared at the clippings of photos attached to the folder. It was at the premiere of his movie, when you had suddenly slipped out of the cinema and left everyone to run away to who knows where. The time he had ran after you, practically jumped off stage to find you. You hadn’t been paying much attention and neither was he, but you’re sure things have been buzzing in the time the two of you have gone into a sort of mini-paradise of your own making during those few days.

Your hands tremble when you take off the clip and start flipping through the several photos, heart hammering at your ears. Your insides twisted up in all sorts of uncomfortable positions. So much so that it literally felt like your intestines were upside down and curling tighter and tighter, like a snake squeezing the life out of it’s victim.

In your hand, the last photo. It was you and Dave, under the rain in the middle of the street. The time he had held you sweetly in his arms. When he had kissed you so passionately, just as it depicts in the photo.

You felt like gagging on the spot.

“What… What do you plan to do with these…?” You mutter quietly, unable to meet her eyes, your own glued to the photo.

“You see, there’s been controversy all over the media lately- about how mr. Strider had suddenly disappeared from the stage to run after you- his Service.” She starts, voice cool as ice. It makes your whole being tremble, and not in a nice way. “Of course, loyal fans argue that he’s simply running after you to get you back after you had ‘escaped’.” She continued.

“But there’s another side. Much more interesting than a plain boring explanation as running after you to simply take you back with him. And this proves it all.” You hear the sneer in her voice much more so than see it. You refused to lift your head up. “Even this meeting proves everything. You’re still without an escort, like most Services are. If the former theory was correct, he would’ve tightened security around you, maybe chained you to the bed- but you’re running around, free-” She paused and you finally dared meet her gaze. “He’s genuinely in love with you, isn’t he?” She practically purrs out the words, her sharp eyes burrowing into you. You hate the strangled noise that comes out of your mouth when you open it, so you opted to keep your mouth shut.

“Oh, this is just precious. The consequences of this- _oh, the consequences_. You very well know what will happen if this goes out, right? The headlines- ‘Service Love Affair exposed!’ Oh how people will eat up a story like that.” She continued. “This will cause an utter upheaval in the masses. Civil unrest, you might say. It’ll ruin his career. It’ll ruin the little bubble the two of you have created. All the comforts you’ve had until now, will vanish.”

Your heart sinks to the bottom of your heart. You know what would happen if the world found out the little tryst you’ve started with him.

War.

The whole system of Service providers will be under heat from such a controversy like this. Trolls from your home planet who have some decency will see it as a chance to rise up against her Imperial Condescension. People and trolls alike will dig into your story, dissect every bit they find, and use it as evidence, as a form of weapon in the shape of words. The resistance that’s already against her imperial condescension’s rule will finally rise up once more and declare civil war. They’ll see it as an opportunity to finally strike back, as a reason to give other trolls like you a chance to live properly, like the gift Dave has given you. And this is not something the condescension will tolerate at all.

The Condesce will certainly see to it that the rebellion be utterly crushed and that none shall rise up to challenge her power once more. And once she’s done… She’ll set her sights on Earth. The treaty that’s lasted for a millennia will crumble like dust. Just like that.

Of course, you believe that trolls in the Service system should live freely and not tied to others as slaves in the bedroom. But all out war will be the consequence if something like this goes public. And of course you want to be with Dave in public, to kiss and hold hands and be a couple and let everyone know that he’s yours and yours alone. But you’re not selfish enough to have that privilege at the cost of possibly thousands, millions of deaths, at a war that who knows will last how long. You don’t want to spend your time with Dave in a war torn era.

“What do you want for this?” You manage to croak out a reply at long last, tears welling up in your eyes. Now you understand why Strider wears his shades to keep his emotions hidden. For times when he needed to be strong despite everything else that’s happening.

Your heart has sunk down to the pit of your stomach and your trembling hands feel heavy as they hold the folder.

The journalist smiles widely. “I want 500 million dollars delivered to my bank account before the end of the week, or I’m leaking the photo.”

 -

When the two of you finally meet back home, it’s quiet and sullen. Even the weather has changed to match the atmosphere. The sunny day earlier has turned into dark stormy clouds, blocking out the sun. As almost as if you the both know what’s about to happen in the coming weeks. The annual visitation is this weekend. You have to have paid the price by then or that skanky journalist will start a domino effect that could lead to all out war. And she’s well aware of the consequences of the dangerous game she’s playing. But her greed seems to overcome any of that. Sometimes, you just really hate humanity because of people like her.

After a long while of silence, you finally speak up and tell your dear partner about what’s happened. And he tells you of the information he’s gathered about the media’s opinion on what had happened on the day he told you that he loved you.

Tensions are already high, it seems. You can’t even handle the thick air that surrounds the both of you, the small distance that seems like a gaping chasm once more,  as you simply sat at the couch, staring at the blank black screen of the television.

“I’m not going to let this happen.” He suddenly mutters, catching your attention. “I’m not going to let this happen. None of it, not paying that bitch the money she wants or having her leak the photo.” He repeats, louder this time, as if making  a statement to a crowd of people. As if he was about to make some big inspirational speech. Which you would’ve found believable with how much he rambles on and on until everything he says is utterly irrelevant to the first point he made.

“What’re you going to do about it?” You whisper quietly.

“Do you trust me?”

Of course you do. You always do. With everything he does, you trust him, no matter how stupid he may sound or look doing whatever it is he always does. “Yes. Yes I do.” You speak without hesitation at all.

He looks through you with those crimson eyes of his, almost burning through you. Then, he takes your hand as he stands up. You do the same and he leads you upstairs, hands intertwined with yours.

He brings you to the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind the two of you. You can’t help the blush that spreads throughout your face when he begins to undress right there in front of you.

As he discards his suit jacket and begins to pull his shirt up over his face, he looks at you once more with those piercing eyes of his, a mischievous smile curling on his lips. “Do you want me to undress you for you?” He said in a teasing tone, although you’re sure he wouldn’t hesitate in pulling off your clothes for you if you had asked.

“No, dumbass. I can do it myself.” You grumble quietly, pulling your shirt up and over your head, keenly aware of the dark flush that’s spread to your body as it began to heat up in anticipation of what’s to come. But honestly? You couldn’t careless. You want him to see the effects he has on you.

As soon as you pull your shirt off over your head, he grabs your hands once and pulls you to the bed, lightly pushing you down before climbing on of you, hips anchored against your own. Your breath hitches at how warm he was.

It was dim in the room, the cloudy skies providing the just the right setting. He pulls open one of the drawers, before coming out with a piece of dark fabric. And again, he asks,-

“Do you trust me?”

And without missing a single beat, “Yes. I always do, Dave.”

Your heart aches with the small little smile he does, like he’s utterly in love with you. And you know he is, just as much as you’re utterly in love with him.

He leans down and kisses you deeply, mouths opening to easily, tongues dancing across each other, all as he carefully wraps the piece of cloth around your eyes. You lift your head up slightly above the bed so he can tie it off, nice and secure around your head. Your human was soft with easily tearable flesh, and he trusts you with your claws, although filed down, still has the ability to cut, along with your fangs that could still break skin if you bit hard enough. So you trust him with taking your vision away. You know he won’t hurt you in a way you don’t like.

All you hear is shuffling, feeling your lower clothes being disposed of while your fingers curl around the nape of his neck, playing with the little hairs he has there.

Your heart beats loudly in your chest, already breathing hard when all he does is raise and open up your legs. Not being able to see him and what he’s doing makes your heart accelerate in a manner you’ve never experienced before. But the thrill of it was intoxicating.

More shuffling, a belt unbuckling, all while he strokes your inner thigh, kissing and leaving little love marks near your nook. You can’t help the little whimpers that escape your mouth when he tangles his hands around your bulge, but then again, you’re not really trying to hide it.

You groan impatiently when he pulls away, only to gasp and mewl at the feeling of skin on skin. He was much warmer than you, especially when he easily slides into you, making you clench all around him, pulling a soft gasp from the other.

Things are so easy between the two of you. He pulls are your skin and you scrape against his as he thrusted so painfully slow into you, building a rhythm. You can’t help but buckle your hips with his in tandem, all while he places such out of place light kisses across your skin.

He rubs at the base of your horns just the right way to make you moan and grind your hips against his involuntarily. He knows how to stroke where you’re most sensitive around your grubscars to make your toes curl and your whole body tense.

He knows to hold your hand and and not keep teasing you so much with the way he pulls away so it’s just his tip inside you. He knows just how hard to thrust, how fast you like it, and where all of your sweet spots are, rubbing and hitting it just the right way to make you spill.

He knows how to make you feel good inside and out.

“I love you.” You find yourself saying, while he continued to move and you grinded against him in tandem.

Without hesitation, he repeats the same words to you again. “I love you too.”

All through the night, the two of you simply made love, using all variations to express your passion for one another.

But you wonder just how long the thing you have between the two of you will last.


	14. Waking Up Slow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waking up slow by Gabrielle Alpin was the song I listened to this chapter XD Check it out. Or not. Your choice man.
> 
> Anyways, this chapter is longer than my usual updates. I hope you enjoy it.

It was the proverbial disney morning when you wake up. The sun was bright and out above you, and you could almost hear the birds chirping outside the glass panes on either side of the bed. He’s got his arms wrapped loosely around your torso, just above your waist, hands curling and curving around your back while his other hand was interlaced with your hands softly. You can’t help but scooch just a smidge closer against him, pressing a light kiss to his forehead.

Under the golden rays of the rising sun, he looked almost ethereal and you still can’t believe that he’s yours. Brushing a hand across his cheek, simply soaking up his natural beauty, you think back to everything you’ve had to go through to get to this moment. If you met your past self and told you that there was light in the tunnel, to have hope that things would be better, your past self would’ve definitely laughed bitterly and called you an naive assmucher.  

Still, you couldn’t care less about that, or the world, at the moment. In this small frozen moment in time, it was just the two of you in your own little bubble. No impending doom or crazy reporters threatening to drop a metaphorical bomb above your heads.

Warmth envelops your body at this thought, just quietly caressing the face of your lover.

But of course, everything good has to end at some point. He shifted softly under your touch, long, almost white lashes flicking up slowly to meet your eyes. Your breath still hitches to see his unguarded eyes, intense crimson against milky white skin. You see the moment his mind finally wakes up and registers your presence fully when his breaks into a wide smile. So genuine. So raw. Your heart still skips a beat to this day.

“Mornin’ sunshine.” He spoke, accent heavy, sleep slurring the words and blending into each other. But you can comprehend what he’s saying.

You make a big show of rolling your eyes, but smile just as widely as him as you both shift to get more comfortable in each other’s arms. “About time you woke up, shithead.” You mutter as response, but there’s no bite to your words. Just quiet endearment that he easily picks up on when he pulls you closer until not even a sheet of paper could come between the two of you.

The two of you simply stay like that for hours, soaking in the comfortable silence that’s settled around your shared room. You wish it’d never end, and you know it’s the same thing in his mind. But the two of you eventually untangle yourselves from each other, shifting off the covers of the blanket. You immediately shiver when cold air hits your body now that you’re away from the safety of the thick comforter. The AC was doing a good job of keeping you cool on what would usually be a hot as fuck day. It’s doing its job a little too well. But perhaps you can also attribute it to the fact that you’re butt naked from the activities of the night. You shudder, remembering his warm hands all over you.

But now is not the time for that. “What do you have on your agenda today?” You quietly ask him, catching his attention from putting on a pair of tight fitting jeans. You suppress the urge to eye him up and down or bite your lip.

He sighed heavily. “Just the usual bullshit. You know how it goes, doing some fundraiser thing, and then going to another publicity event to promote the upcoming album even more. Don’t worry about me, babe. I have things handled.” He answered casually, finally pulling his jeans up and managing to close it’s buttons.

You stand up from your perch on the side of the bed and shamelessly walk around to dress yourself up on his oversized clothes once again. You catch him eyeing your backside and from the full length mirror against the wall adjacent to the large closet. You can’t help the smirk that crept up to your lips. You like it when he makes his attraction to you obvious, even if it’s through different forms. From nice and clean to outright naughty. You just love it.

“I’ve still got some time before I go though.” He voices, glancing up at the clock on the opposite wall. Your smile widens even more at this. “We can do something together before I have to leave this afternoon.” He suggested, giving you a sheepish smile as you pulled on his spare boxers over your body.

“Do you have anything in mind that you’d like to do?” You reply softly, crossing over to where he stood, putting on a plain white shirt with his own company logo on it. Once he’s done, you loosely throw your arms around him and pull him down for a quick chaste kiss that he returns without hesitation, wrapping around your waist and palm pressing against the small of your back.

He smirked, that telltale mischievous smirk of his that you didn’t know you’ve been missing all this time. “Yeah. In fact, I do have something I’d like to do with you today.” He hummed in response, swaying the two of you slowly to a nonexistent beat.

“Really? What’s brewing in that fucked up part of your head? It better be good, Strider.” You mutter, no need to raise your voice when your faces were just inches apart. It’s been a while since you last called him by his surname and his smirk only widens.

“You’re going to love it. But you might have to change into something more appropriate for this one, Karkitty.” He leans down to purr into your ear and you can’t suppress the shiver that runs down along your spine. “Meet me outside in a few? I need to set up a few things.”

You reluctantly let go of him, slowly untangling your arms from around his neck. Instead, you cup his face and stare into his loving eyes once more before pressing a playful kiss on his nose and then fully letting go of his body. “Alright. You better surprise me with something good, Dave.”

He grinned, excitement clear in his expression. God how you love that he’s so fully expressive around you. “Oh trust me. You’ll like this one.”

-

Breakfast went by fast. The two of you spent it goofing around the kitchen and talking quietly to each other before you went on your separate ways. Him to the outside to set up whatever surprise he has for you and you upstairs to get properly changed.

On your back to the bedroom though, notice one of the staff eyeing with a steady glare. You know that some of them have clear feelings for your Strider, and to piss off the girl at the bottom of the stairs even more, you shrug so that the oversized shirt falls over your shoulder to reveal dark marks and love bites as you made your way up. You take a small gander down at her, snickering to yourself when the girl storms off, face flushed and looking to be royally pissed off. You don’t care though. He chose you.

Once inside the comfort of your sleeping quarters, you decide you like how the oversized shirt of his fits around you, especially the way it falls off one of your shoulders. You simply tightened it around your waist by tying off the excess fabric. Then you picked up your dark jeans from before, shimmying into it easily. You twirl around in front of the mirror, smiling to yourself. You liked how you looked for once.

After that’s taken care off, you make your way downstairs, and out the door, blinking irritatedly up at the sun beating down on you. Then, you take a look around the garage, trying to look for his ‘surprise’, when you hear the loud revving of an engine by the gates.

Your eyes widen to see Strider on an expensive looking bike, body a sleek black color and metallic silver glinting under the bright light of the sun. As you approach him slowly, gawking at the motorcycle, he pulls off the helmet obscuring his features and grinned over at you. He wasn’t wearing his shades out in public for once. “You likey?” He purred, patting the seat behind him like it was some dog that needed praising. You snickered.

“Please never use that fucking word ever again.” You snapped, covering your mouth to cover the smirk rising to your lips.

He makes a big off of looking mortally wounded at your snide comment and you can’t help but laugh lightly at his dramatics. “Don’t be like that to my precious baby, Kitkat. The two of you better get along, you’re both my most precious possessions. And you better play nice with Delilah here, Karkles because you’re gonna have to share of this piece of fine Strider ass.” He remarks, winking your way. You can’t help the melting feeling you get in the pit of your stomach at the gesture.

You roll your eyes dramatically despite your wide smiling expression. “Did you seriously name your motorcycle too? Please tell me you didn’t name each of your cars too.”

He simply beamed at you, offering you the second helmet that was previous hanging around the handle. You take it and carefully strap it over your head. Your glad your horns were short and nubby because this thing definitely did not have holes to accommodate it. “Hop on.” He urged you.

You feigned reluctance to do so, but you have to admit to yourself that you’re pretty excited to go on a motorcycle ride with Dave. Motorcycle rides are a highly underrated romantic activity.

Once your all strapped in, he takes your arms and guides it around his torso and you gladly onto him tightly, pressing your body up against his back. And because you’re dating a stupid human that likes to show off despite it being just the two of you, he revs up the engine once again before finally getting the motorcycle going.

“Where are we going?!” You shouted over at him, voice trying to overpower the sound of the bike’s engine. He simply laughed.

“You’ll know when we get there!” Is the response he shouts back.

You can’t help but grin, enjoying the loud laughter and pure joy he seemed to feel with riding the bike. It did give you the sense of freedom and Dave must be really feeling it as he goes even faster, making you yelp and cling onto him tighter.

Once you finally got used to the flipping feeling happening in the pits of your stomach, you shift your head from burying into his shoulder blades to look at your surroundings. Of course, everything goes by in a blur, but you can see white fences, tall grass and towering trees with long branches that covered the sun in an almost canopy like design. You giggle to yourself, slowly loosening your vice grip around the other, just enough to feel the wind really hit you.

The two of you spend time like that for a while, going farther and farther from the city before finally stopping at a field of dandelions sticking up from the rough patches of the unpaved path all the way to as far as you can see.

He stops the engine and flicks the stand down to keep the motorbike from falling over. He hops off the seat before shifting to help you down as well. You only noticed that he was wearing a sling bag over his shoulder. Once the both of you had taken off the helmet and propped them along either side of the handle, he quickly grabs your hand and leads you into the field of dandelions. The pretty little weeds went about as tall as your shins.

You look around as little tuffs of white petals float up and moved around by the wind as the two of you walk across and step over a few of them. Your nose wrinkles when one of them comes too close to your face, making you scrunch up your face for a moment before sneezing. He looks back to you, grinning and laughing at you lightly and you use your other hand to playfully punch his arm.

He doesn’t walk that far, going towards a large tree just a few meters away from the paved path the two of you were one. It was an old oak tree, leaning on it’s side, the shade under it being a clear pace free of the dandelions that surrounded the rest of area. You glance over at him and he simply smiles smugly over at you.

“Pretty romantic spot, right?” He said, and you can hear the cockiness in his voice. You look back at the spot he’s brought you to, feeling your cheeks heat up. Again, you punch at his shoulder. “Whaaaaaaat? Do you like it or not?”

He stilled in his spot beside you, eyes widening. “W-wait, why are you crying…?” He questioned, moving to get in front of you, cupping your cheeks as diluted red tears flowed from your eyes. “Karkat…?”

You sniffed, wiping your arm across your eyes, hiccupping. “I-I just… Y-You always go o-out of your w-way t-to do something romantic for me- l-like in t-those shitty romcom m-movies I-I’m obsessed with and I j-just…” You take a deep breath, wrapping your arms around him and burying your face into his chest. “I love you so damn much.” You managed to breathe out, new set of tears running down your cheeks, your chest swelling with emotion for this stupid, blond haired, idiotic human.  _ Your _  stupid, blond haired, idiotic human.

He wrapped his arms around you tightly, burying his own face into your wiry black hair, rubbing soothing circles around your back. “I know.” He murmurs. “I know.”

-

The two of you spent the whole day underneath that tree. Your matesprit had produced a thin blanket from the sling bag along with a few snacks- doritos and other chips (because you know that’s all he eats if someone doesn’t cook for him, but it’s not like you’re any better. You’ve binged on them while watching your romcoms before), a few water bottles that’s wet and cold to the touch, and of course, the unavoidable bottle of apple juice, because your partner has an addiction he refuses to admit to himself. You had sighed appreciatively at the water bottle’s cool surface when you placed it against your cheek to battle the heat of the sun. Afterall, you’re still not used to it since you barely ever went out in the sweeps you’ve spent on earth, and it was only recently that you were even given permission to move about of your own accord. Not that you would after the recent happenings in your life.

He had told you jokes and stories about his own childhood. About how hard it was fitting in with all the others when you just… weren’t made to fit with all the others. About how he was ostracized at school because of his lineage, and how people often thought they were below him to even bother greeting him. He tells you about how he became friends with John, and you hate the pang of jealousy that you feel. You want to see little Dave. You wished you could’ve met him earlier, under different circumstances.

He’d even brought little sandwiches in saran wrap for the both of you to enjoy, even though it was just a simple pbj sandwich.

In turn, you told him about your tough training back on Alternia. About your rejection from society because of your blood color. A disgusting saturated scarlet red. But you’ve slowly come to terms with it, even liked the color because it was the same color as his eyes. He had smiled at you softly, continually running his fingers through your head while you rested your head on his lap. He said you definitely looked like a cat then and there. Of course, you swatted him at the shoulder, but you had smiled nonetheless.

When the two of you had run out of things to say, the two of you shifted to lie down beside each other at the edge of the blanket where the tree’s leaves didn’t obscure the view of the sky and simply watched the clouds in comfortable silence. Your hands had been interlaced and you had no idea how much time you spent like that.

But things came to an end far too quickly. Noon came far too quickly. And before you knew it, the two of you were back on the motorcycle, making your way back home.

-

The next day came and went. There wasn’t really much to say other than he had the time to spend the day with you but had to leave before 6 for some charity event that will look good for the presses. He said he’d need to make an appearance with that Pyrope girl- Terezi- to try and divert the public’s attention from the scandal you had caused earlier in the month.

You don’t ask to come. You can see it in his eyes that this was necessary, that he may do things with another that you may not approve of for the sake of keeping up public appearances. And you get it. You get it, you continually tell yourself.

But it still seems hard for your heart to admit that it stings that he’s locking lips with another girl for an audience. But you know it’s necessary. Because what would be the alternative? War? It wasn’t worth it.

To make up for it though, he had made the staff teach the both of you how to plant things in the garden. He said that he wasn’t much of a green thumb, but since the house came with it’s own greenhouse, he supposed he might as well get people ‘who knew their shit’ to keep various plants and flowers alive. He spent his day in the greenhouse with you, taking care for the plants, plucking weeds, and throwing soil at each other. By the end of it, the two of you were dirty from head to toe. You remember snickering at the dirt that ended up drying and clumping up on his hair.

The day ended with the two of you sharing a bubble bath together. A simple act that didn’t need to be sexualized since the two of you didn’t really do anything that night. And you’re glad that the day doesn’t always have to end with mindless fucking. You cherish little moments like this, where you can just snuggle up against him and enjoy the warmth he emitted.

But being the childish moron that he is, your bath ended up being just as messy, water splashing the floor and clumps of bubbles sticking to the the walls, slowly sliding down, from how much the two of you played around in the water. It started innocently enough with dave making animals from the bubbles. And then because his mind is still comparable to that of a horny teenager, he decides it would be ‘awesome’ to sculpt a dick from the bubbles. To which you  _ ‘vehemently’ _  disagreed with and had tried to smush any of his attempts to create said ‘bubble dick’.

After cleaning yourselves off with the shower, since it was clear that the bubble bath was a massive fail (Although, you really do have to define what failing means because the two of you had fun either way).

And then it was off to bed after that.

The day easily came and went.

But what you more interested in was wednesday, half through the week. Halfway through the week. Halfway to when the annual visit happens.

He had left you early that day, saying that there was something that he needed to do. Something urgent.

Of course, you didn’t think much about this this. You had spent the day doing what you do when Strider was out on whatever duty it was he had to attend to. You had set up your perch in front of the couch once again, putting on a romcom as usual. 13 going 30 this time. You had also surrounded yourself with various sweets and treats for your marathoning during that day.

After what felt like hours later, 3 movies down, you finally took the time to glance over at the window before checking the clock. It was cloudy and dark outside once again and it was hard to pinpoint the time of day. The clock read 4:52 pm.

With a sigh, you extracted yourself from the comfort of the leather couch to reach for the remote and pick yet another movie to watch. You wonder what Dave was up to and when he’ll be home. He never gave you a timeline so you’re left here, waiting anxiously.

But it turns out, you didn’t have to wait very long. As you were just crouching down, a disk in between your fingers, the door creaked open. Your heart immediately lepth to your throat, head whipping around to the direction of the door so fast, your neck hurt. You don’t regret it.

In comes your matesprit, looking a little worse for ware. His clothes were slightly damp from what you’d guess is from the slight downpour outside that you’re sure will grow within the next couple of minutes. You quickly stood up and made a beeline for him, stopping just a few meters away from him to look up at him with a wary smile.

He smiled slightly, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards but even with those shades he wore, you can tell that the smile was forced and did not reach his eyes. You carefully stood on your tiptoes and plucked the piece of accessory sitting on the bridge of his nose and set it aside on the small counter right beside the door. You could hear the quiet pitter-patter of droplets coming from outside.

“Everything alright?” You questioned, searching his expression, but to your dismay, he was unreadable. He simply looked weary and tired.

The only he gives you is a curt nod before beginning to slip out of his loosely worn sneakers and closing the door behind him. Worry ate at your insides at seeing him like this. You wonder what he could’ve done to end up looking this… Exhausted. You remember that even when he came home from late night parties and events, he still had some semblance of enthusiasm. But that was just gone.

“You know that I know that it’s not, right?” You mutter, prying further while you fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. He sighed heavily.

Once he had gotten his footwear and socks off, he stepped inside, closer to you. You could feel the warmth emanating from him and only realize now how cold the house had really gotten from the rain outside. You hold your breath when he looks at you with those pleading eyes, one that tells you that he doesn’t want to talk about it. You grit your teeth and promptly drop the subject, no matter how much you want to keep pushing him to spill it to you. He’ll tell you when he feels like it, but you have a sinking feeling that that won’t be possible.  _ Not enough time _ , your voice whispers inside your head.

He takes your hands into his, quietly intertwining them together and squeezing lightly. Like you needed reassurance. “There’s something I want to do with you. It’s kind of an earth culture thing, but I think you might enjoy it.” He murmurs, voice loud in the dim and silent house.

You try to grin, dispelling any other thoughts from your mind at the moment. “Really?” You quietly reply, looking into those intense apple red eyes of his. He nodded.

After a moment of standing near the entrance, he finally pulls you along with both hands, facing you, while he carefully walked backwards. Your heart thumps inside your chest, excitement only dampened by the fact that there’s still an underlying problem they’re refusing to discuss.

He brings you all the way to the back where the kitchen lay and the floor of ceiling glass sliding doors to the outside are just beside mentioned kitchen. You can see water droplets running down from the glass and give him a questioning look. He simply chuckled, the sound putting your anxieties at ease at the moment.

“I know this is totally cheesy and all, and we might end up sick afterwards, but it’s something I haven’t done since I was a kid. I thought I’d want to share the moment with you when I do it again.” He explained, pulling you close against him, arms around your back.

You closed your eyes and took in his scent.

“What’re we going to do?” You question once more, voice light and quiet. Uncharacteristic of you to speak so carefully. But you feel like if you raised your voice ay louder, this moment would shatter and there would be no way to pick the pieces back up and put it all together again.

“Play in the rain.” He laughed his answer, tone giddy and excited it makes your heart clench. You look up at him with an incredulous look, making him laugh even harder. “C’mon.”

He pulls you along, using one hand to slide the door to the massive backyard outside while the other tried to coax you to come outside with him.

You stood at the in the line between the grass outside and the safety of the floor of the inside of the house, and watched him run out willingly, laughing, arms spread wide as he let the cold droplets of rain pelted down on him. You watched him, and your heart aches at how free he looked. At how much he seemed to be having fun just from enjoying the water on his skin. You take a big gulp of damp air and take a tentative step outside.

The grass beneath you was soft and wet in the most satisfying way. You look up to him again, watching him with his outreached hand out to you, just a little ways away from the porch. You bite your lower lip nervously before breaking out into a grin.

Fuck it. You can afford to be childish and dance around in the rain with the person you loved the most. You break out into a run, tackling him in a hug under the rain, both of you laughing.

The two of you played around in the rain, running around and stupidly playing tag with each other. You barely minded the way your clothes clung to your form, when any other time, it would have bothered you.

Although it was cold, you barely minded that either, the heat from doing so much activity keeping your body warm. The two of you only paused when one of you noticed the bugs that only came out during rainy days, on the potted plants that were outside the greenhouse. The both of you had crouched down, staring at the slugs and insects meandering around before Dave shoves you hard, knocking you down the ground and shouting “You’re it” before bolting up right and running away from you.

The two of you played, and at some point, Dave found the hose and hooked it up to the faucet and turned it until it couldn’t be twisted any further. He puts his thumb over the hole of the hose, leaving just enough space for water to still come out in long bursts at you. You had laughed, tackling him and wrestling him on the ground for the hose, and ended up in an inappropriate pose.

You paused between wrestling him, one hand pinning his hand that held the hose above his head, while the other struggled to pin his other hand, all while you sat on his midsection to keep him from getting up, feet and legs ending up tangled together. Your faces were only inches apart. Although this wasn’t your first time kissing him, nor your first time being in a compromising position with him, you could still feel your heart hammering inside your chest, you ears ringing, and your neck and ears and whole face flush, like it was the first time.

The first time the two of you had kissed comes to mind. And before you knew it, the small distance was gone, warm soft lips consuming your thoughts and chasing away the cold. He kissed you slowly, tongue tracing out the familiar shape of the inside your mouth. His hand was in your damp hair, while the other kept you pressed against him by the small of your back.

It was a push and pull between the two of you. You could taste the bitter sweetness of salt between your lips. But you weren’t sure who was crying between the both of you under the rain that day.


End file.
